i'm being reflective today
sometimes i just think that the world is screwed up. instead of studying for my geog test i'm sitting here in front of my computer, thinking about this. so many bad things happen to people. maybe its true, what someone said to me, that she wanted to steel herself and not get hurt anymore. hurt. is very damaging. people cut themselves because of hurt, and even commit suicide because of it. is it stress? pain? trauma? who knows. its very sad. and all the youths who do such things... its even sadder. so few years on earth and unable to spend more valuable time on it. sigh... how can anyone prevent it? and such horrible things that people can actually bring themselves to do to others. i don't understand it. i guess i never will. what's the point of doing such things? does it benefit you? or does it do anything for your conscience? i guess not. what am i even doing thinking about this... i don't even know these people personally. but still... it's just on my mind.
and the fact that people get numb to it is also rather sad. jaded. i can feel myself getting numb to it. when i first heard about what my friend did to himself, i just burst into tears at that moment. but now... the edge of the effect is not so sharp, and things like that can just come up in conversation as if it were trivial. why? its not trivial at all. life does matter. argh. i don't know, maybe i'm just being too sensetive to things that don't even happen to me, just to things that i know happen. but seriously. why harm yourself? why commit suicide.... it doesn't only harm yourself, it devastates your family. right? sigh... there's no point... unless there's also no point in living. but being so young... and having a long road ahead of you, there's still chance to start afresh right? who knows. life can really suck sometimes. but hurt is inevitable... its part of life. can you seriously tell me you can go through your entire life without getting hurt at all? i highly doubt that its possible. i mean if that's the case we've got to try to deal with it... like we've got to try to deal with so many things its frustrating.
i think... all this time i've slacked off and not studied for geog today and thinking about this, is probably going to have its detriments to my test results. but heck. there are other things in life other than geog tests. life is not so simple... at least i don't think it is. i guess what we view with so much importance actually may be insignificant when viewed from a wider perspective, and in the long run... it might not matter anymore. should we grieve? people always say... we should move on. but is it too much to give some moments of our time to grieve? to just think about it, and grieve for the lost ones. to me, that's enough. that's the least we can do anyway. moving on is also important... after all, we can't cling to what cannot be and focus on what can be right? enough of this, i'll stop bothering anyone with all my random specks of thoughts... just think...
the purpose of life is a life of purpose
:9:24 PM: :sugah~plum
*waves arms around* doth any soul peruse my humble blog?
leave thy word, if thee may.
:10:04 AM: :sugah~plum
HAHAHAHA. hilarity. absolute hilarity. this guy's way too amusing sometimes.
Caleb: Pretty things must be covered!
I have pretty lungs, that's why they're covered! I have sexy lungs.
My kidneys, whooaa, even better, they just oooze sex appeal...
hee. you should hear it.
:8:59 PM: :sugah~plum
hmm. caption comes with it:p (this was taken on vday btw)
ShO sWeEt...hOw SuAvE & rOmAnTiC aLL é GuYs LoOk...PoOr JoSh KeNa bLoCkEd...
:9:25 PM: :sugah~plum
ahahahhaa:p i just went to look at the photos joy took on v-day. hilarious! heh... what fun we have in the north lodge... especially in AH. sniffles. i really don't wanna leave now.... ohwell. anyways, the pics were really fun and cool! heh... and i just realized, i don't take much photos! wonder if i'm adverse to cameras or smth... i seem to take a hell lot when on holiday tho. heh was trying to find photos for CV and it came up a huge blank. oh shucks... no one's online anymore! where's da, i've got to show her the photos! hophop. ahh... and mark just told me that his friend's gf and i look almost the same... dotdotdot. traumatising. and she's 4 years older too. hmm do i have a common face or what? the other day jon and mavis kept insisting that this girl in macs looks like me too. eeks. aah i wanna put up a photo! think i better ask me classmates for permission first ahaha:p oops! got big scary math test tmr... must go mug:(
:11:30 PM: :sugah~plum
grin. its v-day today haha... odd thing is, blogs aren't loading! perhaps everyone's posting about their day now as i type this. anyway... it actually wasn't so bad! i'm pretty happy, amused at all the going-ons, and especially amused at our recess geog lesson with Mr Lynn (always so nice and funny), and Caleb and Weiming's flurried debate about er... gigolos (?). oh and the guys in our class actually got a rose each for the girls! nice huh:p hee so i ended up with two roses, one currently hanging upside down on my closet door, and one in a vase:P so nice... didn't really expect any flowers haha. and hmm... thank goodness i didn't stick around school and wait and wait and wait for some thing... in the end i went with some of my class people and the 1AD3 people to orchard... to talk and stone. haha everyone (mostly joy) was coming up with riddles and stuff. brain still hurts from thinking so much aahaha! heh tho v-day -is- pretty commercialised, the whole objective was to spend time with your loved ones or something like that, and well its the thought that counts! methinks, spending it with friends is goood too:) its like... just a reason for celebration of sorts. ah whatever goes man... as long as everyone has fun :)
:10:26 PM: :sugah~plum
aah! i actually got a role. by some weird twist of fate or smth. heeeeh amusing thing is tho... i showed my mum the script, and she read it and said... 'this guy is daaamnn irritating, its damn disgusting... blahblah' and like i told her errr i'm playing that guy:p heeeh. oddles. i'm just kinda glad i actually got a role. there's something to do now! heh tho i'm still being very slacker now, abandoning my homework and slacking off, since i'm being typically nolife and not going out tmr. shall like er do hwk tmr or smth. the outings tmr don't particularly appeal to me anyway. kinda stoned:p hmm something kinda funny happened to me... i was writing in my organizer, hand up chinese worksheet on friday. then to get friday's date, i counted from today, 11,12,13,14. then i wrote down 140203. it only occured to me like 5s later that it was v-day. slow, no? so slow. harrumph... i'm immensely bored and forgotten what i wanted to blog about haha... so shall go attend to my nice chocolates:p *grows fatter!*
:9:48 PM: :sugah~plum
heh i think i'm getting back into the swing of blogging:p auditioned a little for the neil simon plays just now... think i did quite badly tho. quite sure i'm not deadpan, but instead... too exaggerated -_- ohwell nvm, maybe i just ain't cut out for drama... or anything else. shucks...eeps i believe my skin is rotting away again. and darn... i'm confused. feel like calling him but doubt he's home... he never is. come to think of it, people usually ain't home. what -am- i doing home? feel so no life. tsk. hahahaha i don't even know what this post is about boggle. hmm... some people have so many ccas. wonder why i'm so slack? hrm... if i ever by any chance ever, get those awful poems i wrote back... and get brutal confirmation that they're awful... i'll join cwc. heeh that doesn't make any sense huh? yeaps... its not meant to:p ahhh shucks... the results are coming out soon sigh. why must the world have results? complicates matters... it always does. right? shrug. i'm abit nonsensical at the moment la... just ignore me. don't wanna do my geog, math and chinese also... bleeh. think i shall try to put myself into the mood to do it.... *oohhhhmmmm* not working. hmm... shall slack around first then... and try to understand what on earth i'm blabbering on about in this post *peerself*
:8:57 PM: :sugah~plum
boo! hellos... i'm sitting in chinese class now, killing my eyes with typing some weird thing for chinese using hansvision... man. waste of time:p oww.... my eyes damn pain! hehe... nvm... anyway... shucks. greeeeat. i was going((HALLO world...this is michelle's classmate...i'm very nice...my name is weiming...i'm sexy~!!=) u can contact me at 65221853...for free u noe wad....hhee hee hee...come get me....*roar* *crack of a whip*))((this is michelle's other classmate....mmm, this is caleb here...hallo everybody..=) howse life? stay away frm michelle, she gets a bit overbearing and scary...*shudder*)) aaaaaaah!!! caleb interrupted me. grumble. weird classmates i have *glare caleb* he's the guy with the nice voice btw. lalala... yea i was going to complain bout what da and mz have been insisting like mad to me, but the invasion of classmates is making it quite hard to. see i don't quite wanna be the laughingstock of my class -_- *peer class* okay tell you guys right, this blog is where i write personal stuff, so please don't laugh at it and whatnot, so i will continue writing normally and not censoring stuff coz you people invade it:p ahhhh.... mutters. howhowhowhowhow? mz and da... tell me how :( you know what i mean... oh nvm... shall not trouble people with my personal problems haha!:p shall be going to do my overdue and soon-to-be-due homework soon la... coz sch ends..... -now-
:4:11 PM: :sugah~plum
okies... post number 2 of the day. its going to be that time of the year again soon. you know what i mean... valentine's day. seriously, i don't know why they ever came up with something like that. i mean its nice for couples and stuff, but for goodness sake, its quite commercialised isn't it? and all that extra cost too. ohwell maybe i'm just saying that out of spite. coz the person who came up with it obviously didn't think of the lonely souls out there who would actually feel only too acutely aware of that inherent loneliness when v-day comes around the corner. seeing people all over each other, being so lovey and mushy... though we say 'oh man they're so sappy'... inside we wish we had that too. well ignore me if you want to, i'm just being kinda... well just thinking about it. and how its complicated. it always is complicated. is anything actually ever simple? i honestly don't know. heh... ramble ramble on again as usual. remember, that's what a blog is for:p sometimes i just wish i had someone special to spend that day with... never really did. but heck... i seriously think trying to just anyhow get a date for v-day is seriously lame. and sad. though i think... one day i may be that sad as well. but ohwell i'm a sad case. whoever said i wasn't?
okaay... i'm not -that- sad :( its not like i -never- had anything like that before or smth. or like never had anyone like me or smth like that. but that's besides the point. its not about how desirable someone is or whatever... its if you can actually find that someone who you connect with, and actually have mutual like right? well that's what i think... not everyone thinks the same way. some people have the weirdest and most absurd reasons for getting attached. besides, its a basketful of wishful thinking to hope for such a deep kind of relationship with anyone at this point in time of life. haha. well what am i saying anyway... ramble ramble. its just that i'm feeling kinda alone only... so i'm talking rubbish nodnod. and yea... when i see my exclassmates and stuff... they're all in different schools, together. i'm the only ac person, and there's no one in my old group to actually talk about ac together unlike the rest. but heck that's really out of point here. haha... well i think i should stop my pointless vday rant anyway. just gonna make a date with my pillow on that day i guess... doubt i'd even wanna go out with friends or anything. don't quite want to see couples wandering around looking so blissful. on other days yea sure, but no not on that day. hahahahaha. yea i sound super desperate or something right? heh perhaps... but i -will- stick to my principle regarding relationships... that is... not to get into one unless there really is mutual like. which may i add, is not easy to find. sigh but finding it harder to uphold that principle. oh whatever.
stopstopstopstopstopstopstopstop. i realize i'm sounding really bitter and all. but well... you gotta understand, that everyone has their own warped problems. and mine, is mostly coping with the loneliness and extraness... and trying to convince myself that i'm not insignificant, lousy, stupid, ugly, worthlessness etc. i think i'm just warped. i don't even know what i'm doing posting this on the web. whoever reads this, just disregard it. i'm way too lazy to write this in my diary:p so its going up here. ahh well i'm only 17... there's still supposed to be a nice long life in front of me... i think. oh... this is SO wordy. shall end. really. and well... No Such Thing by John Mayer is such a nice song... i feel like i can identify with it in some way i guess. ahh shuttup girl.
:9:06 PM: :sugah~plum
hellos... heh haven't posted in quite a while:) ohwell been pretty busy with school and all... had macbeth filming and paegent stuff too hmm. ahh well i think this is already considered not busy. i actually wanted to do hssrp... but well heck i don't wanna do alone, and the proposal is due this mon.. so its like kinda rushed. i think i'll do the lit symposium paper thing instead. ahh well i think i'm rather happy :) compliments are always good huh? ego boost. heh never did have much of that in secondary sch. how amusing... anyways... whee. stayed over at da's last night, and brought toshi to crash hahaha:p er. hope he didn't feel too out or smth -_- well i ended up feeling a lil out tho.. coz its like man... haven't seen those pple for so long... and then its like well er weird. and me being so damn sleepy, fell asleep so early! so regretful... it really defeats the purpose of a sleepover also you know. oh yea... back to toshi. toshi is so cuuttteee! er... in the you know bounce bounce kinda cute way:p oops i hope i didn't traumatize him by telling him that like er 100 times or smth haha... derrick you're so act cute! this is the real type of cute k:p oh and arts night was roxors man... i'm like starting to love AC arts... yea AC arts rocks! whee. yea and that's where toshi was cute but noo i shall quit the swooning :p hmm and these people called nic and kris sang damn well.. and the persons from 2AD4 too haha... nice:)
ooh there's swim pe next week! cool huh... well its like er... anything's better than running, imho:p i think i broke the world record for world's slowest runner! tho i don't particularly wanna show my fat ass to so many people! -_- i look weird in swimsuits la. and so sad man! i missed our nygep gathering today sobs:( coz i signed up for cip thinking the time wouldn't clash... silly me. i mean i don't mind doing cip, but sigh... missing the gathering... sniffles. and well the cip took longer than expected too. heh but yesh yesh cip is important ya... must do smth for society and all... and yea we need the cip points too x_x ohwell... i guess i'd just have to see my dear ol' ex-classmates during the shudder dreaded results collection day. ahhhhhh nonono cannot worry. i told myself i can only worry during the week before:p heh... i shall switch back to wearing the ny u on mon! must have variety haha... tho i think the ac u looks a lot better:p but heck... fun wad right? two uniforms is better than one i think. heh okies shall end off here... i'm still kinda sleepy:p
:7:32 PM: :sugah~plum