i'm damn sleepy. but shall proclaim it, just to announce that i'm still alive and kicking, and this blog hasn't gone to complete disrepair because i'm kinda too busy to post sometimes. anyway the next word is something i have forgetten. too sleepy la you see. so we should talk about chocolate... chocolate crossies chips are DAMN nice la...please. aiyo. so sleepy until cannot type properly. its a sign that i need ti skeep, so goodnights!
:12:18 AM: :sugah~plum
my foot is swollen.
like you needed to know that. but i'm just pondering over what on earth to do about it since some unknown insect bit it last week and the swelling is getting worse. its on the side/sole of my foot and itches like mad. wonder if i should go see a doctor? anyway that's out of point... i did say i was going to blog about ccab camp. now it seems rather strange to blog about it one week after, and how it seems like eternity although its only been about 5 or 6 days since it was over (my foot reminds me of that), anyway its been a somewhat enlightening experience for me. its true that some of the stuff may seem rather senseless but others do make sense, especially those about teamwork, and how to lead. i kind of understand the spirit of determination and not to give up, especially when working as a team, musn't let the others down. its a happy feeling to complete things as a group, even though people like me only play a very miniscule part in getting things done, but witnessing the herculean effort of other people and how everyone bonded, it was just great la. oh but that's just how i feel.
strange how everytime i feel like blogging about something my mood gets thrashed by something. perhaps its because i'm a person highly affected by my mood. but after reading josh's post... initially i was very irritated by how he blasted everything and seeming bitter about it, but just realised that he was being idealistic, as usual. i think in some ways what he has said is true, in that there is some favouritism and elitism, but in the practical sense, life will always have some of that. if they didn't exist, it would be utopia, and we all know there's no such thing. i don't understand why humans feel the need to think so much about things, and worry and feel upset because of it. if they don't want to change it, then why bother complaining about it? is it because they would like others to change it for them? well perhaps. i'm not judging people who do, because i'm sure i must have done it sometime or another. just that human behaviour is so strange indeed.
anyway i feel what situation you are in is how you perceive it to be, or what you make of it. unlike josh, i don't think our class is 'damn sian' as he says. he's right, there are cliques, but there are cliques everywhere. its difficult to function entirely as one unit as a class when doing certain things. but even though there are some people who hang out more with each other or get along better with certain people, it doesn't mean that we can't be united as a class. class unity doesn't mean that we have to go out together all the time, and throw nice happy parties. you can't expect everyone to be able to make it all the time, and even if we do throw nice happy parties not everyone wants to come sometimes. i feel that class unity is being together in spirit as a class. technicalities excluded. its probably too idealistic to expect everything to be perfect.
perhaps i can't really put what i feel into words, but i do know that i don't particularly agree with his post. maybe its somewhat true, but still, i don't see the reason for the bitterness and the attitude. envying other classes won't do anyone any good. you know... what an irony. class outing class outing, don't you think it somewhat excludes others as well? it seems as if only people from a class is allowed to come, and others not. why draw the line? everyone are people and friends. any by the way, ice skating that day wasn't really a class outing. i wanted to skate, and anyone who wanted to as well was welcome. yeah perhaps i branded it a class outing, as we are so oft apt to to outings which have many class members in it. i don't know. i think i'm losing the purpose of this post. all i know is... i don't really agree with his attitude. there is much subjectivity in life, and something can be good or bad depending on what you perceive it to be or what your attitude towards it is.
no offence josh. you're nice, but sometimes you really have the strangest attitude that i cannot comprehend. and yes, i think you have been distancing yourself. don't blame everyone else.
anyway... its late, and there's school tomorrow. have to pack my heels because i'm liable to forget it tmr morning. hope my foot doesn't die in sch shoes/heels. i think i'm going to end up lugging all my dance stuff for nothing coz i'm not even sure if its supposed to be mon or tues. how confusing. doesn't really feel like the end of exams... don't know. don't know anything anymore... can't think anymore. shouldn't even bother to think so much, and just relax man. anyway a quote to end off.
'The best may not be simple, but simple may be the best.'
:11:11 PM: :sugah~plum
i just realized that i haven't blogged for more than a week already. perhaps that's a good sign, because was having promos on mon til thurs last week, maybe it means i was trying to study. then had ccab camp from fri to mon, and only had time to blog today coz i was sleeping away last night til this afternoon. anyway ccab camp was good. at first i thought it might be too tough or bad or smth. but it turned out pretty good... was fun, interesting and i did learn a lot from it, surprisingly. also i think i've done the most pushups there than i've ever did, though i still can't do a single competent push up. and i'm not even upset over having to do them now, better than last time when i would be.
oh great, my inspiration to post and talk about the camp is now gone, after someone just reminded me of my negative attributes. suddenly i don't feel so great anymore, and all the insecurities are pouring back in. shall blog about it tmr instead then, after the 7 or 8 hours of drama/dance. goodness knows how i'm going to get the line-in banner done. anyway... caesar rocks, i love my camp group :) will explain why tmr. in the meantime, shall go to sleep and hope i'll survive tmr. i do miss dancing though, haven't had it for more than a month. anyway to end off, here's my results of a thing da put up.
Your love attitude is adventurous, charismatic and spontaneous. You're creative and adaptable, and you can come up with the most exciting and sometimes daring things to do. Your quick intelligence and way with words help get you out of the problems that come with being flirtatious and playing hard to get. You need to pay close attention to your personal values because you love to try new and different things and easily go along with the crowd and the consequences can put extra strain on your relationship with a boy/girl. You like guys who have great bodies and good looks, along with exceptional brain and high grades. It helps if they're highly athletic or involved in as many activities as you, otherwise you might get bored! Variety is the key to your love attitude number.
that's quite amusing because its partly true and partly not. i can't always come up with exciting things to do... mostly musing around -why- there -isn't- anything excitingto do. also i don't play hard to get. at least i don't think so... the personal values part is umm kinda true though. but haha i don't have that much requirements in a guy! well anyway who wouldn't like guys described above right... its normal. pretty true bout the getting bored part though... i get bored of everything rather easily... but perhaps variety is not the key. the key, to me is not variety but more like finding the right person i guess.
for a short post this is pretty long. anyway i just wanted to say why on earth does everybody die in movies? just watched underworld today, its pretty cool but damn violent man. in fact a lot of movies are damn violent. the last 3 movies i watched were all nc-16 and many many people dying. ugh. the next movie i watch has to be a romantic comedy or something nice without dying people. its just too sadistic and mean. yup... quite out of point. and brandon, we are NOT chickens.
:12:01 AM: :sugah~plum
it is 4am, and i'm sitting here alone at the computer musing. supposed to be sleeping, but its unsettling. what is the point to life anyway? would living a short but happy life be better than one full of despair and running, being the only person left in the world, your own world? that seems to be what is happening in 28 days later. in order to fight for survival that barely seems worth living, going on for no reason at all other than to survive, people have to kill other people. granted, they were infected, but inherently still human beings, that are being brutally killed, slashed and murdered. survival of the fittest, that's what everyone says. does it justify cruelty? i think not. a human tendency towards selfishness, one's own life being more important than others. would i do such a thing to save myself too? a question that the answer cannot be determined til the very crucial moment. well a tainted conscience is hard to live with... that's for sure. actually i can't discuss the movie can i, it'll just spoil it for everyone who hasn't caught it. but without giving away the storyline, it's one that has made an impact on me. a well designed plot and cinematography, poignant and thought provoking... its a good movie, and deviates from the norm of commercialised storylines. i like.
finally feeling sleepy now. shall go adjourn to slumberland. the lead is pretty cute anyway.
:4:23 AM: :sugah~plum
heh i think i've reached the pinnacle of slackerness. watched 28 days later yesterday... right in the middle of my promos. granted, i did watch harry potter in the middle of the 'O's... but that's besides the point. well... actually... there is no point anyway. the point is... it is a pretty good movie. makes you think, ponder and feel. i guess some people may not like it though... dark, depressing, and at first i was wondering what was going on even, coz well... nothing was happening. but it turned out pretty interesting. yes yes... nice. dark. kind of depressing though. hope it doesn't happen to us... that'd be quite, well sad. people killing people... okay i'm going off tangent now. what the heck trying to connect to the friendster thing after people keep telling me to. sooo anyone if you're a frienster person please tell me or add me, i'm under floatingdreams@hotmail.com. no idea why i used my other email... but my main one is seriously half dead from being flooded anyway. so :p lala. back to poking around with this friendster thing :p
:12:41 AM: :sugah~plum
the sugarplum fairy dances around the stage, twirling in little circles, her purple gossamer skirt spinning in pretty patterns before settling back into place around her legs. she pirouettes, spins, jumps, turns. the audience claps... the sound goes on and on and on but there is no more. she is left there on the stage, alone once again.
she continues dancing to a music no one can hear, a beat no one can feel. because there is no one.
'these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase'
i love this song.
:10:46 PM: :sugah~plum
i feel like crying
yes whine whine whine whine again why don't i. just feeling this wave of despair come over me as i complete the first few papers of promos. i don't feel as if i'd do very well for promos. perhaps should have studied harder for it. i always tell myself months in advance that i would study for an exam... and then i don't. maybe i think its pointless... or maybe i'm just lazy. but right now i'm falling right back into depression. hard to escape it really, and now that i've gotten away from it, its back to haunt me. i'm reminded of things i'd rather forget or not think about, and this is probably the most wrong and inappropriate time to get depressed. in fact i'm not depressed at all. i just feel... melancholic. i feel like a good long cry. maybe what hurts is that there is no shoulder to cry on. maybe i need a good solid real shoulder to cry on. what am i talking about. i'm delusional right now really i am. or maybe just stressed. worried... econs is in another 14 hours. and i don't really know much about what is going on. i'm lost. confused. or maybe i've just got pms. BAH.
:12:17 AM: :sugah~plum