i guess the moral of the story of life is to follow your dreams, whatever they may be, and don't look back on your life and regret. i hope that someday i would know what my dreams are, what i want to do with my life. just watched centrestage, and oh my goodness, i'm completely bedazzled and awed and just so touched and inspired. its beautiful. there are simply no words. ballet is... a lot of hard work. and the amount of control... grace... is simply amazing. yes and i should stop waxing lyrical right. i think there's a moral in every show. even the most out of point ones. like confessions of a teenage drama queen, i think there's a point there. follow your dreams it says, do what you want even if you do it in the strangest quirkiest ways possible, blahblahblah. blah. today someone tried to tell me what to do with my life. i didn't listen. i don't appreciate people telling me what to do with my whole life when i didn't ask. or if they're not my parents, who actually have a right to. but then again who am i to say, considering i don't have a clue what to do with it. but what the hell i'll figure it out eventually... won't i?
seems like the girls in some movies and books etc choose the nice guys who care, love and show affection openly. well except some shows, like sex and the city, coz carrie chose big. well... i actually agree with her. many people would prefer aidan, but i think big is better for her (then again i didn't watch season 3, 5 and 6 so i might not know), because well... i can't really explain it even. i think its coz they went through so much together, and it just seems like there's something. charm works wonders i suppose. though aidan and carrie together is very sweet. i suppose what da said is relatively accurate, that girls like "bad boys" especially when they're only nice to them, because you know they actually like you coz they're not nice to just everyone. i think it probably works the other way around as well. how very strange. but then love is a very strange thing indeed. and i'm not only refering to fictional stories... for shows and books, the characters might be ficticious, but often the stories and feelings are real.
hm i wonder what i'm doing up so late. was really rather tired just now when walking around town... but don't seem to be now. thinking too much i suppose. actually i'm thinking that it doesn't really matter. so many things just shouldn't matter so much. well some things kind of do, but i mean, its subjective isn't it. what one person might consider important could be considered trivial by another. but then that's life, almost everything is subjective. ah... think i'll just go to sleep... reprieve is good. goodnight.
:2:16 AM: :sugah~plum
I'm an irredeemably eejitous, liberal, disgustingly generous, pathetically simple-minded, dribbling child!
See how compatible you are with me!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
ouch. how very flattering.
:12:38 AM: :sugah~plum
haha. i get so excited sometimes in supermarkets. today is one of those days. so many bottles of spices! and cold water tastes very nice. but er that's out of point heh. anyway aah! spices! hm. ended up buying the garlic and herb seasoning, bacon bits, miracle whip, extra virgin olive oil etc so fun there's so much stuff that can be cooked :) cooking is so interesting... unfortunately i dislike cleaning, coz apparently it goes hand in hand. hm. which would explain why my room is so damn messy. but things like cooking (baking too!), glass and pottery crafts, and basically a lot of hands on stuff, are so fun! well better than studying anyway. i think its rather therapeutic sometimes too... like when i'm doing stuff like cooking, baking, cutting paper, origami... its like i don't really have to think of anything else but concentrate on the task at end to achieve a desirable product. i suppose its some sense of achievement at being able to make something. or something like that haha. but then i don't really have time. maybe i can do stuff like that when i'm old and retired in some nice countryside place in a nice big house with a garden and fresh air and breathtaking scenery. if such a place exists la haha.
hmm but well don't know if life can indeed be so idyllic. don't know why sometimes people bicker over the slightest things. i mean life is seriously so short already, we really shouldn't be wasting time, effort and emotional states doing something as pointless as bickering. because it doesn't change the fact that things have already been done. hm. peacemakers don't have it easy sometimes... because a lot of people are so set in their thinking. and stubborn. which i am quite too sometimes, when i'm not being indecisive. but really these are all the human foibles that we all possess, when we do really stupid or pointless things for goodness knows what strange reasons. i guess the flaws come with the package. i suppose we could try to change it, or just try to accept it. i think that flaws should be changed by the possessor of it and not by other people. i mean its not a flaw til you or whoever you think is really important to you considers it one right? haha. acceptance perhaps from friends and family. but i guess some things are just really hard to accept. ohwell that's life ain't it? grin.
oh another thought. the hc play we went to watch yesterday, The Odd Couple, was hilarious. neil simon is quite funny. but yesterday i think it was the spanish brothers who took the cake man... super cute and funny. okay hm make that two thoughts haha. yesterday in sch was quite fun too... spent most of the day watching Last Samurai. tho i'd already watched it didn't really mind watching it again... its a damn nice show. i think the samurai culture and way of life is depicted so peacefully... plot is there, action is there, emotion is there. ohwell. haha quite a slack and relaxing day coz had very few lessons and had alot of fun. the parrot hat was cute haha.
I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
100 Years - Five For Fighting
:10:52 PM: :sugah~plum
hmm. demoralisation at the max. was feeling rather down this morning, coz it seems as if all of my friends are too busy to keep me company, then i checked my schedule and it seems like i'm just as busy. quite depressing really, it looks rather filled up. and its mostly just with cca and limited consultation and extra lessons. but then again i haven't filled it up with math yet. and its all sch stuff... lack of leisure. ohwell. everything always clashes... but it would be nice if we could all try to make time for each other. its like there are some people whom i haven't seen for ages. but when we do make an effort to meet up we don't really know what to say to each other i think. lost touch perhaps. and i don't want to happen anymore. especially for the few people i can regard as close friends. don't want to drift. especially da, since we're in different schools and don't actually see each other very often nowaday and its difficult to try and meet up too as i've discovered. but i don't want us to drift. neither do i want to drift even more from certain people who would rather cut hair than go out with me -_-
but then, these are the problems of the modern world. felt rather ashamed of feeling this way after the afghan documentary thing we watched in gp this morning. such superficial concerns we have, or rather, i have. but then again it comes with the world we were brought up in and live in. busy busy. was just daydreaming during lecture today that i should just take all my money (what little i have) to buy an air ticket and just fly away somewhere and go be a dancer or actress or smth. anything. just go live free. but then i have no guts to do something as bold as that. plus i think i've worked so hard at this stupid education system i should at least finish it. ohwell... yeah but its out of point i suppose. i think we're all very lucky. singapore isn't too bad you know, compared to afghanistan and the other third world countries. the war and instability and the refugees... the difficulty of just surviving, and here we are concerned about our leisure and schoolwork and cca. somehow it just seems so petty. but then the world can't ever be completely equal can it? hm.
ah still in my blacks. just got home a while ago... need to go shower soon actually. but just kinda felt like blogging first. was freezing my toes off during rehearsal just now, damn it was cold. think i got too into it also, wonder if i was the only one merrily sobbing away til my nose was completely blocked. think the cold played a very large factor in that too. ohwell. damn tired now. looks like holidays won't be much of a holiday... and that it'll be over in a flash and dance production and syf will be over in a flash and then it'll be prelims and then i'll DIE. right. argh. e8 essay to write real soon. hm. i have 2 days left to write it. sigh think i'll just go shower now then think. thinking is too tiring. hope i didn't screw e4 up too badly too. yawn.
:9:59 PM: :sugah~plum
i went shopping yesterday. mmm happy with my new stuff yay. they're preetty! and satisfied (mostly) my long time craving for shopping, which i haven't had much time for for a rather long time (since the day i left for south africa i think hm) oh watched 50 first dates too, its hilarious. have yet to watch troy, harry potter(!!! :), shrek2, facing window, mean girls etc tho. hm. ohwell that and study for term exams too haha blink. ohwell shall end off with a song and then go watch tv haha. need to do a lit essay actually but damn it's difficult... maybe i need consultation. ohwell... tmr perhaps.
I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
The Reason - Hoobastank
:9:36 PM: :sugah~plum
hm. today is not a good day for finger to mysteriously start hurting, considering i had to shade almost 400 little bubbles, which almost drove me nuts. i hate shading bubbles. gets on my nerves big time... coz i shade em really slowly and nicely so it takes like forever. hm. guess that's another test i'm not going to do well in. ohwell nevermind doesn't really matter. yawn. majorly tired. wanted to go shopping just now tho, but didn't manage to. ohwell hope i can buy the stuff i want tmr... tho i have no idea how i'm supposed to traverse all over orchard. hm i guess i'd just have to go earlier... or smth. ah well so tired.. and don't know what to say. so won't really say anything haha. don't even know why i bother blogging these little frequent snipplets of my life. i lead a rather boring life haha. ohwell... there went my saturday to dance and psychometric. poof. now i'll end up going out on sunday and forgoing my chance to stay at home and write my s geog essay hm. oops. and really don't feel like writing it now. ohwell i guess i'd have to find some time to do it tmr haha. hm.
:11:21 PM: :sugah~plum
yay! we did it we did it! yay :D okay hmm. don't really have much to say, already said too much yesterday i think haha, things i definitely should not have said, and just kinda nutty now so should not talk too much haha will end up sounding VERY deranged hee d: anyway, if you don't plant seeds, how will flowers grow? haha oh and wow... i complain that no one asks me out and suddenly a couple of old friends do. how nice :) ohwell i think generally things are looking up, but strangely contrastingly looking down too as the prospect of juggling 3 ccas and studying for terms and prelims and etc is rather scary and stressful. oh but nvm... the usual motto, take things as they come. now where on earth is my black rubber band? mutter.
:11:06 PM: :sugah~plum
ahhhh. a nice long hot shower works wonders. especially since i could wash off all that gunk from my hair heh... don't know how much hair i've lost today already from trying to smooth out the tangles in the gross stiff hairsprayed-backcombed hair. but nvm... out of point again as usual. such a long day... and i don't know whether to be glad or sad that syf is over. i think we all really tried our best today, very focused and intense. heh. now can only sit and wait... and hope. haha and back to eating unhealthy food, my dinner tonight was like fries, ice cream, and ate chips just now also. juunnnkkkk! tsk. yawn. rather sleepy and tired and my right leg is damn painful for some reason. but we did it. we told the story... and hopefully the truth prevails.
sigh. back to school.
:11:36 PM: :sugah~plum
Question: How do you tell that your social life is dwindling?
Answer: When you spend 10 hours in front of the tv over the weekend.
haha. which is exactly what i did. started watching at 11pm last night, then took a 9 hour sleeping break at 3am, then continued til 6pm... i think that's about 10 hours. and in that 10 hours i watched 24 episodes of sex and the city. do i sound addicted? that's because i think i am. damn its a great show. but yes shall not wax lyrical about it. only spent the whole afternoon watching it partly because someone cancelled on me. hehe. ohwell... been in a pretty good mood today :) life is good i think... i'm being optimistic now i think grin. maybe the marathon tv session helped. i need more sex and the city dvds! watched 3/4 of season 1, whole of season 2 and 4, and some random episodes here and there. don't think i'll stop til i watch the whole thing. so if anyone would like to lend me some, or can tell me where to buy them, hit me. make my day :) i suppose i'm probably also feeling quite relaxed coz i've shelved my work for now, since terms aren't next week. though i think i'd have to start mugging eventually since i hope to study overseas. hm. nvm worry about that later :p have to worry about syf now. have a gp exam tomorrow too haha. hopefully i don't screw up... but well i don't think its possible to study for gp compre like a day before. just go and do right? haha. i suppose so... okay i should shut up now, not making sense right? for the record, i'm not sleepy d: think i'm just this deranged all the time heh :)
:9:09 PM: :sugah~plum
today was a rather eventful day. partially good and partially bad, but mostly good i think. and to all the justins of the world, you are now being warned, this post will be chock full of mindless drivel, so discontinue now if you cannot stand it. hm. unhappy about myself now. just took measurements for dance, and realised that i have ballooned into a huge... marshmallow. grew fat and flabby ever since i stopped dancing and started eating more. shudder. what happened man. and i have like 3 or 4 pimples mutter. there goes my once nice complexion. oh yeah speaking of dance, ac dance will be holding a rock and soul dance performance called Restless on the 16th and 17th of July at Tan Cheng Siong Theatre in ACS Barker, tickets going at $15 each... do come and support! wow this will be my 4th time in that theatre... i am so gonna miss it when i leave ac. already feel very at home in that theatre... however dinky it may be heh.
oh but i digress. was going to blog about my supposedly eventful day. was a pretty good day til the tail end of it heh... the morning was quite delightful, and then boring for most of the day, then the last few lessons were pretty entertaining. after school i went to watch the saf mdc sing at the lobby... they were pretty good heh. and saw andrew for like the first time in a long long while. seemed like a really long time... since like uh. i can't even seem to remember... 5 months ago? dunno. yeah but was quite happy to see him heh, nice to catch up with old friends... too bad the rest dunno disappeared to where. eee. baaaad grammatical structure. anyway later on spent time sitting in the void deck laughing my head off with chin and nicole (or to put it more specifically, laughing with nic at chin blink), and went to the library with po yew, to do my geog essay, tho i did end up falling asleep at some point (okok so you were right... sort of :p), but still miraculously managing to finish my geog essay. tho i think its probably super crappy. but nvm i've managed to clear my essay debt. now to clear the math tutorial debt... the horrors.
yeah then had rehearsal after that... was laughing like crazy with nicole at Fury, the Rushdie book i'm reading right now, coz of all the funny little snipplets of thought that he has which is just er, quite funny. perhaps i should put one up here hmm. okay here -- "Thou Shalt Not Be an Absentee Father. Cometh to Thinkst of It, Thou Shalt Not Walk Out of Thy Life Without a Fucking Good Reason, Buster, and What You've Put Up So Far Doesn't Even Come Close. What Dost Thou Think? Thou Canst Do Any Goddamn Thing Thou Wantest? Who The Fuck Dost Thou Imagine Thou Ist: Hugh Hefner? The Dalai Lama?" heh. kinda weird right? but dunno why la we just kept laughing at the book... then all of us (uh mostly me and shu an actually hm) just kept laughing during warmups... and well the first part of rehearsal went pretty well. then the second run kinda sucked. so then things started to take a downhill from there. but ohwell. hope it'll get better. we'll grow from it, hopefully.
okay more mindless drivel (more?!!) hehe. here's a out of point list i made today, and its entitled Things to do after May 13th, to remind me of things i need to do, want to do, and probably will not do. nods. here it goes.
1) Buy pens, highlighters, erasers (i did say drivel didn't i? ;p)
2) Buy S Lit books (er, decide what book too hm.)
3) Get tickets for Furniture and Amphibians
4) Sell Restless tickets (you can lend a helping hand here!)
5) Study for Term Exams (shouldn't this be on the top of the list? oops.)
6) Watch Van Helsing/AC Choir Concert/AC Band Concert/SAF MDC concert
7) Go Ikea to eat meatballs
8) Buy a father's day present
9) Check out Island Creamery
10) Chase my pimples away
haha. sample of random thoughts that go through my head... quite frivolous only right hahaa. hmm, and if anyone wants to help me or accompany me for any of the above do let me know haha. coz i might end up not doing half the things there because no one to go with or smth haha. okay that's -quite- enough of mindless drivel for one day. wow its at night, yet i've not written a sleep-ridden post, where i end off falling asleep. amazing right haha.
:11:03 PM: :sugah~plum
hm. i should not be blogging now. i should be writing my geog essay. but nevermind. i have another hour plus to kill. seems like i'm spending most of my free time in school now heh. homework and notes requiring my attention, yet i scorn them so. people ask me if i'm okay. sure i'm okay. don't i look alright? sigh. essentially i think i seem perfectly okay, yet it just feels like life itself is eating at me. or eating me up. consuming me. perhaps this is not quite original, and inspired by Fury (okay i have to stop reading all these depressing books, which coincidentally, contain a lot of sad facts about life and the world) because i think i'm starting to agree with them. i hope it doesn't make me screwed up like the characters too. hm. i laugh when i am sad. sometimes. i laugh when i am stressed. sometimes. i laugh when i'm happy. no wonder i look alright all the time haha. i laughed so damn much yesterday. yet i perceive that i am not truly happy. i suppose these things don't really require an outward sign... its the inward nuances which are so intangible that really determine things sometimes isn't it? hm. well not being okay is part of life. and i accept that. it will pass, and it will return again later on. that's life ain't it. no one said it was gonna be smooth sailing all the way. lots of times things just happen for no good reason at all, and that's it, there is just no damn justification and we just gotta accept it for what it is. inexplicable conundrums. not everything in life can be explained can it? well perhaps with the exception of, uh, science. (pardon me if i'm being faculty-ist) ah well. i can't quite explain why i'm feeling somewhat distressed nowadays (or perhaps i could attribute is to pms blink)... but i think some people can guess, and if you can't, just leave it as it is.
okay byebye inner thoughts of michelle and back to thoughts on daily life. i passed my econs test! miracle. i was all prepared to fail haha. still rather prepared to fail my geog test (grimaces at answer script), but who knows. another miracle might happen. well heck, they're only tests. but its nice to know that although i'm way behind and understand close to nothing about all my subjects, i can still seem to keep up the appearance of passing. hm. anyway... how come no one comments? ponder. it would be nice to know what people think, be it bad or good. sigh okay shall train-hop now. syf is looming near and i am rather worried. the run yesterday was generally good on a whole but i think my performance was rather.... off. saturday's was better for me. but well i think i'm a lot better than months ago when i was er, absolutely terrible. can feel something now. and understand more too. but nvm. focus. sigh. and kinda worried for mdm too... she's very overworked and very sick. sigh. ohwell... hope everything will be fine. hm.
ahhh. so purposeless. i have no clue what i want to do with my life. not in the past, not now, and probably not ever. well probably the most pressing question now is what do i want to study in uni and where do i want to go to study it. i really don't know. think i better talk to mr. ngoei about it soon... because this can't really go on for long i suppose. i'd have to decide eventually... er preferably by the end of this decade. its not like i have the option of not going to uni. well that might make me even more purposeless, so i won't even think about it now. in fact now i should go sit down on a nice quiet library table now and do my geog essay. i'm not very good at self-discipline and self-control, but its sure as hell time i tried. heh. oh cool... finally a post that doesn't end off with me being sleepy and falling asleep at the comp. yay.
:3:58 PM: :sugah~plum
this absofuckinglutely cannot go on.
:2:00 PM: :sugah~plum
haha. i just changed my blog template again. got bored... and decided to slack for fri and sat. really very sick of doing essays already... tho i still have to finish two geog essays really soon hmm. heh i suppose its coz my terms are far far away, thus i'm not so stressed. considering i'm the type of person who only studies, at the very earliest, one week before. but i think now i'll try to study more. hmm more worried for syf now la... hope we do well. and all come out in one piece. ohwell. i don't really know what else to blog about haha... think my life is rather boring at the moment. great i'm sleepy already... and its only 11. bleh. haha anyway i should quit my bad habit of falling asleep unintentionally... while reading or just resting on my bed. think i can't get too comfortable... keep falling asleep hrmpf. yawn. in fact i seem to be doing that now, so i'd better go. yawn.
:10:48 PM: :sugah~plum