do. not. cry.
i must stop thinking about it. him. i must resolve to stop thinking about it.
maybe sze is right too, she's not the best person to see right now.
and i should stop asking about him too.
its strange and sad, how someone can suddenly and so quickly fall from everything to nothing. she says he can't be bothered with me at all. and that hurts more than hearing that he's angry with me or upset with me or still missing me a little or anything. because that just means he doesn't care anymore. i guess i have no right to deserve any emotion. okay, fine. fair enough. i just feel stupid for caring then, if i can be so easily forgotten or not bothered about. because i thought we were more than that. i know we both have to move on, and yes i will and i am, but i will still remember us as something which used to be wonderful. i only hope that somewhere in your sub-conscious you will remember this as well. that's enough as long as you're happy. i don't know if you still read this, but... take care. deep down some part of me will always love you and be thankful for all the happy times and for all that you've done for me. but goodbye for now... hope we can be friends someday.
okays. now that's done with.
revelation i guess. decided to be happy today, and it really worked, until like, 6pm. shucks heh. bgs was pretty good today haha spent quite a bit of the class laughing at strange stuff and trying very hard (really!) to understand what on earth was going on in the discussions -_- huh. had 2 cans of coffee wahahaha so was like abit high but for some reason kinda sleepy as well hee. and yay for the sweets too :) hmm also realised (while i was awake and trying to pay attention) that i have no time to think about other things. i have a lot of projects and stuff i have to start doing. like seriously... they're all left hanging. shall try to devote my attention to doing well instead! ha! dean's list haha erps. yah right. but ooookay i will make a token effort. haha. yeppps gotta go study for tmr's MA test soon.
heheh ohh and met john today for the first time in 7 months! yupps woww it's been long. i think he's changed... he's more in touch with his spiritual side now haha. and he's right... love is understanding and patient. i guess ours (me and joel) didn't have enough of both. and we were both weak. sad. oh well. raisin milkshake is very nice though! yummy. and i've said it once and again... i can't embrace God and all that unless i really feel it, understand it and know it. i can see why, but i can't feel why. john understands that i think... but i guess he couldn't wait for me to. met sze after that and we walked around for a bit... and i smuggled her into school (eeps hope the security guards don't read blogs... or at least mine =p) and we sat in the room and hung out for a bit. tried to study... but arghs. not really absorbing haha. nvm... i will try to concentrate later. after dinner... and resting i guess.
letting go...
the cliff is steep, and my fingers are slipping...
left without a handle to grasp...
up here the grass is green, the air is cool...
but i missed a step, so now i fall...
perhaps someone will catch me,
after i hurtle into the great unknown.
i start beginner salsa next tues. yay. at least i get to dance a bit... dancing is great. i'll probably feel happier with dance. cool that john had the most incredulous look when i said i didn't get through the audition for eurhythmix... at least someone thinks i'm pretty good. haha. okkaaay not that i really am very good, but i think i'm passable la. but its true la, 'okay' only isn't good enough for a hardcore performance team. ohwell, no problem here, means more time for me hahaas =) recreational is enough i guess. haha but still don't know if salsa is my thing yet. if it isn't... ponder. maybe i'll take jazz or hip hop haha. or maybe i'll just not dance and rot =p good plan... eat, sleep, and maybe, study (shudder)... turn into a huge blob hahahahaas. tsktsk.
anyways... anyone has season 5 and 6 of sex and the city?!! please lend it to me if you do k!! :)
:7:35 PM: :sugah~plum
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