Looking at the world through
Perhaps there's some ingenue and hope left in all of us, contrary to what we think. And I think it's that spirit, the ability to feel, that will save us.
I find it amazing, that at this point, I still have that ability. And talking about things which make me feel, has the strangest ability to make me feel like crying, still. As remote as it seems.
I very nearly cried over discussing OCIP on MSN today.
Am I turning soft, or what?
The very mention of it being called ultimately 'dumb', no matter what or where, set me off into a tirade of arguments defending it and trying to justify its meaning.
And... I would post all my arguments here, but I'm just so tired of trying to make someone see how helping people is a good and important thing, even though its for so short a time, and even though there may be personal reasons for going on an (school) OCIP (fun, going overseas, fulfill cip hours), and it's not purposely going out of one's way to help.
Against the idea that it would simply be more efficient to send money;
"But I dunno lah. I think things would get done eventually, and the important thing is that you work together and interact with the people in the village; have some cross cultural communication, and let them feel as if there are people out there who care enough to come all the way there to help them personally, even if yes, there are some selfish motivators. Efficiency is not everything."
I haven't argued with anyone over something so strongly, for such a long time. And the most ironic thing is that its over OCIP, of all things. Something which I've never done, or even usually feel strongly about, just believe in.
Today, I discovered that the naive idealist inside me, is still alive.
When you look at the world through rose-coloured glasses, everything looks pink and rosy, and pretty. Everything seems wonderful; the flaws are disguised by the flush the colour lends to it, the imperfections melting away under the pink glow. But when you look at the world, with blurry vision, through faulty eyes that sees only vague shapes and forms, perhaps these flaws are, even more so; hidden. Then you put the glasses on, and perfect vision of a imperfect world is restored.
Ah okay, not feeling so angsty anymore. I think it's the rainbow shoes that did it. Nothing like rainbow shoes and glittery skanky dresses with butterfly sequins on them to cheer someone up, mmm?
But well... there's just so many things in this world that's just sad. And I can't help feeling sad for it, though its not going to change anything.
Maybe this is something I can do, though. I'll think about it.
Right now, get through all the salsa and exotic dance for Malaysia first, then finalise school matters, then think about such things.
Perhaps one's life should be in order first, anyway.
:3:27 AM: :sugah~plum
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