ooh. i'm immensely full now:p yes just had a nice trip to the supermarket, which i hadn't seen in ages. when i got there, i went to the tidbit section and promptly proceeded to yes, ogle. and swoon and gush haha:p my sis had to pull me away from the myriad of chips, marshmellows, biscuits... sweets... and the list goes on. ohwell... sinful... i bought a hell lot of tidbits. guess i'm so gonna grow fat in this loong boring break at home. well! i tried to run today, really i tried. quite demoralising tho, having to actually run after my sister, who enthusiastically ran without tiring or stopping... and later at night she told me... it wasn't enough running for her! i mean like ..... freak? oookay not nice to call my sis that -_- yea but she got like. 28th in her sch x-country, which -i-, never in a million years could actually achieve:p heh and aaaah! my volume based is so dying on me... i'm online too much for my poor dear bursting internet plan. ohwell... hmm don't know wassup with me now, rambling rubbish (as usual!) so i think... i should... stop. :p
:10:05 PM: :sugah~plum
a butterfly filts pass her longing gaze, but quickly leaves her line of vision. once again she stares wistfully into a sea of darkness, into the dark sky which is so familiar to her sight. she sighs, and turns away from the drudgery. colour is what she wants. anything... but the constricting black box which holds her captive. with nothing but one small square promising freedom and life... but all she sees is the sky. where is the freedom and life? the colours and the joy? she sits in the corner once again, hugging her knees. in cold and in loneliness. will she ever see the world out there? she can only live to hope.
:7:37 PM: :sugah~plum
... still no sign of my template coming back to life:( ohwell i guess i can't even put in new things or whatever i wanna edit... tried to run today. failed quite miserably... was so tired and whatnot. ohwell. i just hope i can keep up the 'impulse decision' to exercise. most things i do seem to be... i get enthusiastic about it and wanna do it, but after awhile i just lose interest or just don't seem to do it anymore. sucks huh? i guess i have no discipline. tsks. haha i still have to try and achieve my long time aim of doing one pull up tho. hehe will try to do it... er... by end of jc (?) dunno la! even the nice 1000 pieces jigsaw puzzle i got for doing during last yrs eoy hols... is sitting around undone :( terrible, me. oh and the hair dropping has increased and gotten even worse. when i took out my hairtie just now a whole chunk of hair came with it. mmmhf. ohwell forgive me for blogging like mad, but heck when we're all stuck at home like this... shrug. blog blog blog.
:7:31 PM: :sugah~plum
ahmm... so. the schools are closed til 6th of april... well i guess there'll be a lot more posts then, seeing how i'd probably be home most of the time and bored, coz parents would raise hell if i went out. tho i think i'd collapse from boredom la... so hmm. yesh. anyways class postings were supposed to be out on monday but hmm.. haha class wants to have a class party during this break we're having from school. some break, the term will like cut into june hols instead. hmm... some hol this is, can't go out much. and every ten minutes my dad walks by and tells me its not a hol. bleh. ahhhh. wonder how big my new class will be.... its quite sad actually. i've always been used to small classes, and like em too, i mean close is good right? dunno... guess i'm just used to it. and like my friend said, we're -supposed- to be the humans class, so why are they stuffing it super full? hmm we thought there's sorta a quota or smth... oh whatever. shldn't worry bout that now. but sad... nice people leaving bleh. ahh but that's life, nothing we can do about it. ohwell guess i should use this break to run (lose weight... i've been eating lots and getting fat), catch up on maths coz i haven't been listening in lectures urrh.... and whatnot. sigh must be more hardworking sheesh.
:12:20 AM: :sugah~plum
ooh! friend's fault... after showing me his tattoo, it renewed my interest in getting one hmm... i sorta forgot about it hee:p what with all the hoohah going to jc and everything. and also, scared of the pain! :p but well... hmmm i don't think the repercussions are great if its small and in a discreet place.... soooo... well... someday:p if i find a design i like enough or smth. ohwell... anyway, it was the end of o2 today. heh i think the mass dance is actually quite nice, but pity we didn't get to learn all of it. ahmm... wonder what's gonna happen tmr? heh don't know if we'll have classes or not, but hrm over here they're quite well... just try not to let us miss lessons hmm... ah anyways... its quite sad, coz its very likely that our class is going to be split up... in some way anyway. and there are gonna be new people... ahh i just hope it'll all be fine ultimately. will miss my classmates tho, and most of us already miss weiming! :( ohwell, that's life... heh i decided to slack today.. coz tmr is prob gonna be slack, and i have no hwk... well er... in my opinion anyway heh! slacking time! erp. but well its pretty boring too... i'm too free! shall join ccaaaas! hmm i'm starting to spout rubbish... shh.
:9:04 PM: :sugah~plum
ahh swoon... shall flood with gilmore girl mania :)
lorelai and rory gilmore... pretty aren't they? :)
JESS! JESS! hee. what more can i say? :p
:1:04 AM: :sugah~plum
hmm... this is rather sad. i can't stay angry at people for long. should i forgive him? like i said it doesn't matter to him if i do or not, but i just don't feel like ignoring him anymore... sigh. nvm... if it doesn't matter so much then i won't think so much. but its just... how come i can't stay angry? where's my dignity anyway... i think its lost somewhere in the sewers. ohwell... hmm sch reopening tmr. haha just hope we get to skip mass pe :( please please please... hope we don't hafta have proper lessons too. heh and let's hope there's more cute guys in second intake! haha. rubbishy. gosh mustn't sleep so late tonight... if i keep it up i won't be able to wake up. woke up at like 1 today! terrible.
and oh yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!!! Gilmore girls is baaaaaack!!! :) yay! they rock so much... i love em... they're the absolute love of my life. i'll even give up sunday evenings for them. heh its probably the only tv show that i never miss and would even stay home etc for :) its just so great. i -love- their wit. i love lorelai and rory gilmore, and i just love jess too... gosh. if only jess were real... i'd have the biggest crush on him :P no he's not like super cute, and he's pretty short. but gosh the character... the character!!! HMM :p yes watch me swoon... i seem to be prone to swooning nowadays. ahh and chicago! hmm i was just thinking how much i love musicals... and that if there ever was a sch production for chicago, i really wish i could get a part. i mean... i love all three things musicals let people do. to sing, dance AND act all together! isn't that great? :) i know i don't have the talent to do all of em, but i'd work! so wonderful to be able to do all together:) heh... yes i should stop swooning and sleep soon... haha yesh school urp! JESS! :)
:12:21 AM: :sugah~plum
noooo........................... i just lost my post *SOBSBOSBOSBOSBOSOB* everytime!!!! and it was a happy post too sniff. screwy! dunno what happen, everytime the bloody page poofs and goes to www.aol.com!?!? what on earth! its smth on the keyboard i think if i press accidentally :( i -hate- it when all my typing goes to waste. sigh. anyways... was just commenting on my recent hair shedding incidents. yes, the inevitable has happened. my hair is falling out. its everywhere, in the living and dining rooms, my bedroom, the toilet, -everywhere-... hmm wonder why? ahh yesh anyway if anyone knows why changes to my template doesn't register, or why the timing of all my posts is screwed up, care to tell me? i'm hopeless at this.
anyways... caught oliver! yesterday. was pretty darn good i must say... the sets were FANTASTIC! they looked so bloody nice and so realistic, and also the scene changes were so fast, so beautifully fluid. err yes i know its odd to swoon about the sets, but *swoon!* heh and the singing and songs were great too, wonder if they use mikes? nice powerful resonating voices. hmm yesh and there was a reception at the embassy before that... me and my sis stuck out like er sore thumbs ponders. heh coz our tickets were some free tickets for those vips or smth like that la. my nice aunt gave em to us hmm. anyway, the waiter asked me if i wanted a drink, perhaps a housepour? and me being ignorant, didn't quite know what a housepour was, and the only one i knew was safe was bourbon coke -_- that tastes pretty ugggh btw.
haha anyways hmm... yesterday was also posting day. to all those who were worried about it, hope you all got the jc of your choice. if you didn't, many comfs and hope you'll be happy in your second choice, or hope you'll be successful in your appeal then :p hmm well obviously i didn't really need to bother checking... ahh to those who are coming to ac for second choice, sorry you didn't get your first, and hope you're alrights, but a big welcome to yoo, ac rocks:p snort. i sound like some weird uh usher like person standing in front of a door or smth -_- anyways... i'm off to have some lunch. after i just ate breakfast half an hour ago hahahaha:p i'm a pig! woke up so darn late. its ummm 2pm now btw:p
:2:08 PM: :sugah~plum
taken off sam's blog...
"What do you get when you fall in love?
A girl with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again
What do you get when you kiss a girl?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
After you do she'll never phone you
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again
Don't tell me what it's all about
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out
Out of those chains those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you
What do you get when you give your heart?
You get it all broken up and battered
That's what you get a heart that's shattered
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again
Out of those chains those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you
What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
So for at least until tomorrow
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again"
strange thing is, that's true... even stranger still... i want to fall in love. except that i doubt that i will...
:12:54 PM: :sugah~plum
what the hell. the bloody computer is screwing up on me again. this is the bloody 3rd post i've lost since i tried to blog about this incident. sigh. this is so screwed up. one thing screws up and everything else has to add oil to the fire. anyway. i suppose it all boils down to a case of what you have you take for granted and what you can't have you want so badly. about milieu. i was so looking forward to it. like, ever since i bought the ticket. i just kept talking about it. and then i was enjoying myself, a lot, and was so disappointed when they had to interfere, and dampen not only mine, but a bit of everyone else's spirits as well. i mean if i have to get into trouble, then so be it. i don't want others to get into trouble because of me. yes, i'm that unfortunate incident that happened. and the thing i was so excited about and really wanted to go well was ruined. though its funny how some people don't even want to or enjoy it as much as i do, and will probably get a whole lot of chances to go instead. but life is never fair. sometimes its fair in my favour, sometimes its just not.
yes i know my blog is sounding all angsty and depressed and whiney, but heck, you can think that its full of crap, but don't tell me that. just don't read it if it bothers you. its my blog. and that's not it. even after this thing had to happen, i found out something else that made me very mad. incorrigible bastard. i think that's the only thing i can call him. i think i've been nice enough and thinking that, no he isn't that bad. rubbish. i'm not saying its not my fault at all.. ohhh it is all right. i'm quite bad myself. but he owed it to me to at least tell me before that. nevermind. i'm sure this is all not making sense to anyone as usual. except maybe one or two people who know. but does it matter? hell. i'm just not going to talk to him anymore. i always say i won't but i always end up doing it. not like it matters to him anyway, and i don't bloody care if it does. some friend he is. some friend i am. huh. whatever.
:12:32 PM: :sugah~plum
and i just lost my entire post. my entire post that i wrote with all my feelings, and heart thrown into it. why is it getting from bad to worse? i just wanted to vent my feelings and the whole thing just disappeared. i already feel bad enough, must i retype everything? no i won't. you can't repeat your emotions. what you may feel at one point may be different from what you feel at another point. but i really want them to understand. i don't want to get other people in trouble just because of my problems. but it seems like i may have. i don't know how i'm going to talk to them. i managed to work up the courage to talk to them just now. but he was sleeping. my fault. making them worry and lose sleep over me. i don't blame them for not understanding. i can't expect them to be on the same wavelength as me. they only want what's best for me. but what they think is best for me may not be. they want me to excel in my studies. i try. but that doesn't equate to having no life. i'm young for goodness sake. i just want to enjoy my youth while it lasts. it will leave me soon, i know. i don't want to look back when i'm old and regret. the things i did or did not do. i may have done a lot of things that are cause for regret. but its over, and done. sometimes the more strict parents are the more rebellious the kids are. what is unattainable always looks so appealing.
i don't want to do that. i don't want to do things i'd regret partly to defy them. i don't want to keep lying to them. i am going to talk to them. tell them where i'm coming from. why my friends are -not- a bad influence but instead a great help. imagine if i had gone alone. that would have been much worse. whether or not they'd wanted to go, i already did. i mean i bought the ticket even before da and the rest did. so how can they say that she's a bad influence on me. i'm far far worse than her. and its me. this is who i am. if people can't accept it, then so be it. i can't change my personality for people, and i can't change where i feel at home at. and i felt happy last night. the wholesome stuff is just not my thing. doesn't mean because i like those kind of things mean i'm a bad person. i don't think i'm that bad a person. although i know i'm bad in that decadent way, i'm not mean to others. at least i try not to.
and most decisions i make, the important ones at least, are independant of what others think. though they always think its 'the influence of my friends'. they're just looking for someone to blame aren't they. can't believe that their daughter is so... incorrigible. it has to be other people. but its not. maybe some people were the catalyst, but they did not take part in the reaction. its inate. and i have to make them see that. and see that even though i'm fun loving, i can play hard and work hard as well. i did produce results in the big exams so far... i try to really, for their sake and mine. i know they pin most of their hopes on me. its not like i don't have hopes for myself either. i will try to excel as best i can. doesn't mean i have to study 24/7 like they think i should. i can still have a life in the meantime. i know if i do study 24/7 i would do a lot better than what i am doing now. but i can't do that. i believe i will burn out. i can't forever be their little girl. i'm growing up... and in some ways too much i think. i also can't be their good girl, always listening to them and doing them proud in every way. i don't profess to be perfect, or even anywhere near there. i just believe that as long as i stay true to myself, and not hurt others, life should be fine. i just hope it will be.
:9:53 PM: :sugah~plum
heh hi... met up with yy yesterday. was so happy... coz i was strolling around school feeling superbly bored coz well no one was free, so i was just like stoned la. then yy was free! so we went to west mall:p and watched hot chick. man i never knew that west mall was so... like... not ulu. while we were there, we ran into jo, mich goh and her friend and this girl from my school! wow. amazing. but anyway... its quite bad... i splurged yesterday la... bought some like stuff and whatnot. terrible, i spend way too much money nowadays. hmm well the march hols are coming. i hope i enjoy them and not like, end up stoning once again. i seriously wanna like find a part time job or smth, possibly during the june hols or smth:p anyways... i got homework, aaaah! so sad, coz i can't really understand AP GP anyway. lala this is goin to be a superbly short post coz i'm sitting in school during GP while my teacher loads the who wants to be a millionaire online game page hahahahaha... fun GP lesson huh?:p
:12:09 PM: :sugah~plum
How can you see into my eyes
like open doors.
Leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb.
Without a soul my spirit's
sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home.
* (Wake me up.) Wake me up inside.
(I can't wake up.) Wake me up inside.
(Save me.) Call my name and save me from the dark.
(Wake me up.) Bid my blood to run.
(I can't wake up.) Before I come undone.
(Save me.) Save me from the nothing I've become.
Now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life.
Bring me to life. I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.
Bring me to life...
snipplets of a song, Bring Me To Life by Evanescence, on the Daredevil soundtrack. sigh i love this song. not only does it have a great beat and tune, i feel like i can empathise.
:11:14 PM: :sugah~plum
hellos again hmm i think i haven't posted in quite a while *peers date* oh actually its only 6 days haha:p well for some reason my acculmulated online time is surprisingly high for this month and its barely into the 8th day only... alright i guess that means less posts! hmmhmm well no loss, my posts are usually just crap anyways haha:p ohwell... i was just reading mich's blog just now, and man... it just makes me so envious.... i mean like, just wondering, is anything like that ever going to happen to me? i don't know... maybe i've fallen too far down into the pit of sin and past perepetoia (correct me if i spelt it wrong, i lost my copy of macbeth) that i'm somehow relatively jaded and never going to find anything quite as sweet or nice as that:p but hey, that's life, it goes how it goes.
so... hmm yesterday night was our sji (senior junior interaction) class party. though only about 5 of our seniors came and most of our classmates failed to show, i guess it was pretty alright, everyone getting wet with mr koh spraying the hose at us -_- played some badminton too hahaha but nvm bout that:p anyway i guess its quite nice just hanging out and playing weird card games and stuff like impromptu bucket sloshing (my senior joshua poured a bucket of water on me!) and lotsa squealing:p its fun i guess, wholesome stuff like that. though it needs some getting used to, what with people being so... what's the word... nice? clean? innocent? beats me. i think i must make a resolution to be better in jc... with all these nice good people around... nods. will try. well i do have aspirations too... i decided to work harder in jc too, coz i realized all that slacking around throughout sec sch with such a bad cca record doesn't work for me. if i want a scholarship to study overseas... i've got to slog man. and have a nice cca record. heh i don't know if i can do it, me not really being the serious type often, but like i said, i will try. least i can do is to give it my best shot. if i fail, then at least i know i tried.
suddenly i've run out of words to say. i'm lost i guess i feel like i'm wandering around life without a purpose, like i have well... no main aspiration in life. and i hope i'll be happy in jc. for a while i was wondering if i should go to rj or acj, one reason among others being that a lot of my secondary school friends are in rj. and i don't think i told anyone this, but i think, one of the many reasons why i stayed was because i wanted to start over. a clean slate. my friends, most of them know me. one side of me at least, and the reputation also. i think i need to change that. and well i kinda like the new friends i made, and would like to keep them too... at least they kinda like me (i think...). too many reasons i guess. or maybe i'd gotten emotionally attached to ac i guess, like da said... and like what most people say, which i agree as well, if your friends are close enough to you, years of friendship won't be that easily broken even though you're in seperate jcs. i sure hope it won't disintergrate.
glad sze's coming over to ac tho:) at least there's one nygepper with me! yay:p felt so darn alone in the first week man... i mean most of us had another fellow nygepper in the same school... ohwell nevermind. that time was over... lalalalalala. i'm getting fat. yessssh topic that is quite irritating but heck. i have no idea why, but i eat like SO much more in jc. maybe its the long day and more breaks.... or just the better food (ny was like bleh compared to ac) but aaah! especially the chocolate... so sinful :( someone stop me! i'll grow -so- fat, NO one would want me!:p and i'm so lazy i don't even take a sports cca... nvm hopefully the mass pe will help yikes:p and think i will be thickskinned and try for choir umm -again- after the second intake... if they won't take me i'll run for council -_- well nvm i'll figure that out later... i wanna join line-in too! wonder if i can manage hmmm.
anyways i'm thinking this entry is way too long already. i will stop... then post again or smth HAHAHA. i'm diabolical, no?
:11:08 PM: :sugah~plum
aaaaaah!! barr me from food! *runs away in fear*
:9:37 PM: :sugah~plum
hellos... hmm as i guess you all would have known already, the O level results are out and i did pretty well:p oh man i tell you, all that worrying and mugging... guess it paid off heh. well i'm happy and all (especially since i can drop chinese *gleeful grin*) but now i'm left with a dilemna.... the school! and yea i know jc's only for two years, like my parents always tell me... that doesn't matter where i go coz its only two years. i believe it matters la... and i really can't decide where to go... i mean before the prelims i wanted to go hc humans la, and err i still kinda do but now there's the factor of ac humans... so i can't quite figure out which one is the one for me. but well... i think i may just stay in ac. despite parent's protests that its not as reputable and whatnot... i believe its good enough... tho i know, if i go to rj it would make them very happy as they have tried to convince me that its the best etc etc etc. baah. yea doh its top, probably only coz the students are so bloody smart its scary:p i'm not like that la... i mean i know i'm not super smart, and like if i go to rj or hc i'd be er... 'somewhere down there'. heh tho it kinda seems like those 'somewhere down there' students still end up doing well.... ponders. that's kinda attractive... aaahh!! this is too much for my poor brain... bah. shan't think anymore... tho i think i don't have much more time to decide...
:4:17 PM: :sugah~plum