sgih... i sluohd be sntiduyg. why am i wsaitng tmie olnine? and dmaint its dman dfilufict to tpye lkie taht. isnated of sntiduyg, i'm hree sndepnig my tmie on cpinoyg out snog lriycs and sircalnbmg lteters. but smoe snogs ralely do rfelcet smoe tinhgs taht i feel and tihnk... and its jsut so unancny. oh forget it its too tiring, i'm too tired. probably going to either go sleep soon or watch tv heh. notice its not go study, i'm so damn slack nowadays i don't know what happened. on the other hand this is probably the only year ever that i've handed up at least 95% of all my homework. contradictory... yes i know that's me. okay this is not too good i seem to be sleeping in my chair right now. just thought that since i haven't blogged for a while i should... oh shit just remembered i have an editorial to write too. think i shall put it off til tmr -_- seriously have no mood to do anything now except slack. or stone. or ponder. along those lines... i like 'my immortal' by evanescence, introduced by brandon, amazing that he likes it and it doesn't contain a hint of drums at all heh. anyway its so poignant and so... accurately reflective of my general mood. not say moody, but its kind of bittersweet... and just so sad at times. ouch. my ulcer hurts i can't eat, sing or smile properly. sometimes i think i'm a paradox. i can feel too much and nothing at all. very strange. like sometimes if i read war books... like journey's end, i can actually cry and weep for the suffering of the characters. but then again sometimes it just doesn't bother me. and it does bother me that sometimes it doesn't bother me. i don't want to be desensitized. not that i want to be over sensitive or anything, but i still want to retain my own level of emotions and sensitivity not changed too much by society or media or stuff. well but change is inevitable so what the hell am i going on about anyway. ugh there's no spacing in this entry... too tired to space even. damn promos are coming and i really really need to study. in times like these self control would really come in handy. spend a lot of time nowadays playing cards heh oops :p unfortunately i never had self control and probably never will. well looking at it another way it could be said that its good because i can live life the way i want it. maybe, maybe not. i'm still bound by certain restrictions. though i like what marilyn manson said in 'bowling for columbine'. something like "people are afraid of me because i represent what they fear. i do what i like, wear what i like" etc basically act the way he wants to... and people are afraid doing that. to be themselves and let loose. as long as no harm is done... why not?
:9:56 PM: :sugah~plum
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