snort. i just realised how very idiotic i have been. yup. anyway quite sad, lost a whole post last night. it was one of my very few introspective and un-bimbotic posts, and it got erased because of an unstable internet connection. i guess it just goes to show how there is no permanency in life. everything changes. a whole paragraph of words on the computer could just disappear at a click, a heartfelt letter could be blown away at a gust of a wind, does that mean emotions left in them would disappear too? everything changes. i just realised how much i've changed. just wrote in my diary yesterday after almost one whole year. been keeping one/two for what, 6? 7? years, and i guess its possible to see the changes. in the handwriting, in the thinking, in the perspective of what is important. but i guess some things doesn't change. i realise what a lot of what i write about is similar. mostly its about my misguided and disastrous forays into relationships which almost always never get to happen. i guess sometimes my desire for love or something close to it causes me to make hasty conclusions or undertake silly actions.
another thing that hasn't and probably won't ever change would probably be my clumsiness. i suppose these few days or past week i've been tired and not in prime condition and i got even more clumsier than usual. recently i've had more than my fair share of little accidents. tripped and fell flat in the middle of the dance studio on tuesday, giving myself two very big blue blacks, one on my hip and one on my right knee. they are very purple. not to mention a scrape on my elbow as well. also, i've walked into the metal part of a chair, getting a maroon blueblack on the same knee. and i closed the taxi door on my leg, slipped and fell while dancing, almost walked straight into a chair and banged my forehead on something. also discovered a cut on my finger, how it got there i have no idea, but it does hurt. i'm a pretty myriad of colours once again.
i have never been elegant, or classy or poised. just been incredibly blur and clumsy, messy, the works. and unlike in television shows, where the ugly messy clumsy girl who is actually pretty and pretending to be ugly messy clumsy, gets the guy, this is sadly untrue in real life. not that girls desperately need guys or anything. but i think any girl would want someone to take care of her and just to have someone there, to spend time with and to share something special. something like that. i suppose i'm no exception. anyway i can't continue blogging, mosquitoes are assaulting me.
:5:35 PM: :sugah~plum
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