my life will be over before i know it.
hmm. just watched some hongkong soap drama just now on tv. always get rather angry with the silly tv shows sometimes, as there's always the 'two people who are in love but cannot be together because of some despo hanger-on girlfriend/boyfriend' thing. very annoying. but then again, if there's no conflict, it ain't interesting tv right? but its still annoying. because in that show i just watched, these two people are like in love or something, but the guy's girlfriend/ex-girlfriend, whatever, takes care of him when he was injured and like lied to him that she was pregnant. ohmygoodness so drama. what the hell, she knew very well that he was in love with someone else but doesn't mind forcing him to marry her even though he's only doing it out of gratitude and responsibility (?!!) sigh. some things are just so... ludicrous. seriously, gratitude and responsibility does not a marriage make. at least i think so... why get married to someone you don't love and then spend the rest of your life regretting it? granted, one could learn to love the other, but more like in the way of deep concern or something. oh nevermind... its just a silly tv show. i watch too much tv sometimes.
does it seem that live is flashing by our very eyes? it seems like time goes by so very fast.... yet so very slow at the same time. its like this recurring point that truths in life and basically almost everything, is contradictory. it is one thing and everything at the same time. like in The Things They Carried by tim o'brien, o'brien makes a point about being unable to generalise something as 'almost everything is true' and that 'almost nothing is true' as well. i'm really taking a liking to this book... its so damn poignant and so very very true at the same time. but well... what is true and what is not? what is fact and what is fiction? which part of truth is fact and which part is fiction... well... we never really know do we. ohwell... maybe i shouldn't analyse everything so closely. must be all that lit. i think lit is beautiful though. its a way in which we could try to understand life.
hmm but i digress. was sitting in the lit exam this morning, planning and writing furiously away, the time literally slipping through my fingers at each pause i took to think, and before i knew it, the time was up and i wasn't finished. but when i took the bus home just now, the wait, the ride home and the walking, seemed excruciatingly long although it took about half the time of the paper. how strange it is that the same amount of time can seem so different under different circumstances. had i had company on the way home, i probably wouldn't even have noticed how much time it took at all. but the fact is i didn't. and it felt strange, seems like pretty long since i did that, although it wasn't. i guess it was because i was remembering the times i actually had company. but nevermind. i was just thinking as i was walking, how quickly everything passes. my life will be over before i know it. it just seems like when i look forward to things, i want it to come sooner, but not to come sooner as well because i know that when i'm experiencing it, it'll be over soon, and i'll never get the exact feeling back. its like... perhaps i need to look forward to something. when the thing is over, i'd look for something else to look forward to. its like i need to feed off these little incidents in life in order to sustain life itself. sometimes the anticipating is better than the actual experience. because no matter how great the experience is... it cannot last forever. memory might be able to, but it is only a glimmer of the true glory of the moment. and memory can fade.
:10:53 PM: :sugah~plum
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