anti-climax.
my comp broke down right in the middle of me happily sobbing at someone's blog entry. how amusing. something else amusing? i almost put a bowl on a hanger. well i didn't intend to, but i was holding it and walking to the place with hangers without thinking. and a few weeks ago i left my highlighters in the microwave by accident. luckily it wasn't on hmm. yes go figure... i think i shouldn't be allowed anywhere alone. its not safe. but back to the point. was and still am reading a blog now, and i kinda realise that i never really know some people well enough. and blogs actually do help to get to know people better, well if they really write what they feel. i don't really mention very personal things here, so i don't know how mine seems like, but reading others... its enough to make me cry. yes i know i seem to do that a lot, but i'm too damn emotional for my own good and i just can't help it. i empathise. a lot. and i just can't understand why people do the things they do sometimes. is it worth it? maybe that's why i cry. everytime i hear about horrible things that people do, to others, and especially to themselves. like the hurt isn't enough already, why add to it. but then again, i'm one to talk. but i guess i hurt myself in other ways. oh great. my comp just screwed up on me again. impossible to do anything on it nowadays.
if only everyone would tell the truth. i think my brain is really quite screwed up with people telling me different versions of everything. always have been and still is. i guess after some time you just don't know who the hell to believe. damn doesn't that sound familiar... like a certain play. right. but then again one person's perspective of the same truth may differ from someone else's perception. because truth changes... doesn't it? add opinion, dust on perspective and viewpoint, voila! its something else. bloody hell life is just so damn painful sometimes. actually i was quite happy this morning, had a pretty good weekend away from stress and studying and was just enjoying myself. but well things just don't last very long i guess. i could just go back to being happy tomorrow. seems like its difficult to be happy at night. and also because i'm reading depressing things. i think relationships are very difficult. maybe that's why i'm not in one. for one, i don't believe in having short-lived relationships which are not true and not passionate and not about really loving and caring for each other. the last time, the only time i was in one, i think i got scared. and ran away. yeap. i was young. still am, but perhaps not as naive as i used to be. maybe not even perhaps... definitely. i hope that i'm more mature now, though i still do the stupidest things.
i wonder if ignorance really is bliss. i'm always so totally oblivious to things that are happening around me until i'm alerted of it. well not always, sometimes it is rather obvious, but other than that people do hide it very well. maybe its not a conscious act, but people just keep it in. i do that sometimes... but i think keeping up a facade is really too damn tiring. and i just don't bother anymore. i rather be happy when i really am happy. i think i think too much. maybe that's why i act, and dance. takes a lot of concentration and clears my mind to some extent. definitely in some ways, its escapism. good for me i guess. mmm. i think my train of thought just went down another railroad. sometimes i wonder, why do people have this need to compare? who's got more material things, who's happier, who's more depressed, who's had a more painful past. what the hell what's the point? so many things are just so damn tiring. i think its tiring even to be depressed. in fact there just isn't any point. do people judge other people after reading their blogs? i don't. not really anyway. i don't think its representive enough of a person's real character or feelings. i think that has to be understood in time and proximity. hell but i think other people do judge after reading. i get this inkling that some people have judged me based on mine. well i don't know, and i don't care. its not worth it. i don't even understand myself much anyway.
i guess this entry sounds kinda depressive. but contrary to what it seems... i'm not depressed. not at all. i think i'm coming to terms with my life, and with life, basically. i'm tired yes, i'm stressed yes, i'm lonely yes, but that's okay. because its part of life really. can't be happy all the time, it can't be healthy anyway. as long as i still have some friends with me, i'll be perfectly fine. haha well i could be happy because i've finished all the pressing and owed hwk for now, and also coz i missed a lot of tiring lessons today. well i know it isn't the end of it, i'd have to make up for it later on, i've already missed damn a lot of lessons i think. but its okay. i think life is worth the ride.
:11:32 PM: :sugah~plum
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