haha. i don't know whether to laugh or to cry. i think i'll laugh now, because i'm done crying. its really quite hilarious you know, this whole thing now that i think of it. i mean, hurtful things people say behind your back might initially be well, hurtful, but come to think of it, its really quite ridiculous sometimes because things just get so twisted its funny. but nevermind. as long as some people know what is really happening, that's perfectly fine with me. oops i have an essay to finish hmm. but that's out of point. anyway i know i've been acting very silly recently... and its not really a conscious action. people don't really behave like idiots on purpose right? er no don't answer that. i'm saying that i don't. hrmpf. sometimes things are just so subjective and so difficult to define, or to understand. i'd like to think that i can take things easy most of the time, i mean relax la right, nothing is ever that serious. unless its well, something -really- serious. haha. anyway i've got to finish my essay argh! i hate that my life is controlled by school work. how irritating. nvm... still abit tickled haha.
anyway i think i might be incapable of love. i'm too immature, too emotional and too... how to say it, easily swayed? i mean its very easy to like someone, but impossibly hard to actually love a person i think. and crushes come and go, friends are more lasting. that's what i've always believed in. but of course i still occasionally long for love. i suppose love might be enduring too, but its this concept or this fragile thing which not many people can grasp or comprehend. i think i'm one of the many. at least at the moment. in fact i think i don't treat my parents with the love they deserve, and still being stupid and irritating albeit slightly more sensible than before to them. i suppose when i'm older or more sensible perhaps it may come to me. but then again i don't think i could ever be proper or sensible, in some ways i think i'll always be wild, yet restrained by invisible bonds as well. i do the most ridiculous things sometimes, and don't really realise it until i look at it in retrospect. but i think i do learn from these mistakes or misunderstandings sometimes, and from them i glean some form of understanding and corny as it sounds, enlightenment. sometimes it makes me more mature, sometimes it doesn't.
but its good anyway. bad things that happen aren't always bad. i think people emerge as better persons through adversity, and with stronger bonds too. and people, some people at least, learn from mistakes, and can understand truths better. i think i'm happily amused now because its better to clear things up in the open. its always better when people say what they feel, or to actually communicate about things that are bothering them. its difficult yes, but its... for lack of a better word... better -_- i think i need to brush up on my vocab. but heck... just because my english is bad... anyway, its good (not my english). hmm. back to my essay sigh, its due tmr.
:11:06 PM: :sugah~plum
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