Miserable.
The thing about being sick, is that it makes you feel miserable, inside out, and in every way possible. Suddenly I just feel terrible. Maybe actually studying for MA and putting my energies into it has drained me, now that the paper is over I just feel like collapsing. And everything else is starting to crash down upon me.
It meant something to me.
Almost a week of sniffles and coughs, and it seems that a sore throat is due anytime soon, I can feel it. I can't sleep now. I'm tired, and look and feel like something similar to a living zombie, but I can't sleep. It's not like the dreams of recent have been very encouraging either.
It didn't turn out the way it should have.
Oh, I know I'll be fine in the morning. I don't stay miserable for long. But the achingly torn up and wracked feeling inside me at the moment just needs somewhere to go for a while.
You've misunderstood... but it's too late anyway.
Okay. I'm calm now. Sick as hell still, but calm. Maybe I'm terrible at saying things, at putting things into words. I know everything sounds a lot worse than it is. Judge me, then not by face value, for nothing is ever really what it seems.
But it's okay. I'm fine.
Alright, I'm done. Session of angst is over. Time to sleep, and hopefully the cold/cough/sorethroat will decide to just go away. Three more papers left. No worries, I'm okay.
...Her eyes travelled with his strides, following the distant shadow into the gloom. Finally, she turns around, and walks slowly away. Minds wandering and wondering, life's complexities and puzzlements. Pondering the could have been, the should been, or the what will be. Perhaps their paths will cross again someday, perhaps not, for the many winding roads do not always meet; yet at times, somehow even the most distant routes find their way to each other. The thinkers have their own lanes to find, their own streets to conquer, and new travellers to meet.
The streetlamps dim, the lights fade, and the empty road is washed once again in darkness. No one is left standing there, for they have all gone to seek what is exciting, new, and born of the light.
Her eyes lingered upon this sight a moment longer, then shut close and turned away...
:8:21 PM: :sugah~plum
I miss drama.
After reading Sze's blog, I'm suddenly filled with a longing to do drama again. Or perhaps more specifically, AC drama haha. The love-hate relationship with the Barker theatre that we all know too well, the copious and ridiculously long hours we spend in school, all the funny antics which happen in the studio, out of it and in theatre, the time leading up to production week, the acting, the dancing, the singing, the scoldings, the bruising, everything. Haha. Perhaps that explains why years of alumni always go back to participate in the drama (pun intended) once again. Oh I miss South Africa too. Haven't actually been involved in SMU drama because it just doesn't seem anything like it; in fact, i don't really think there's anything like it, haha. Damn really would like to go for Christmas Carol, but haven't looked for anyone to go with me and have exams to study for, which I am so going to fail at the rate I'm going. -_- Oh and I honestly thought it was 24-26 DECEMBER erps. Sorry guys... but I support you in spirit! Hope it'll be a great production :)
So very blur of me. And my cough is sounding really scary now, it's gone from a raw throaty one to a horrid chesty one. Haha but nevermind it'll soon be banished by my powerful cough medicine. Die cough die! (I estopp you.) Haha.
Union last night was interesting, I don't mind just sitting and watching sometimes when there's good stuff to watch, yesterday being one of the times. I absolutely adore admiring great dancing (okay, who doesn't right), but I really appreciate seeing the fluidity of the body and especially how two people can coordinate with and anticipate each other's steps to spar not with words or swords, but with controlled movements of the body, creating an intricate interplay between them. Nothing short of wonderful. It'll take me damn long just to be able to dance decently, much less engage in playful innovation. Especially since I apparently look very 'chor lor' when dancing, hrmm. But then I've never been graceful, so I guess I'll just have to work on that. And it's only been one week since we ordered the shoes! 4 more weeks to go! =( Oh there's also an amazing multitude of turn patterns and shines in salsa to learn, which threaten to get increasingly complicated as we go along! Haha hope we can all keep up. But it's an interesting challenge, can be done with some hard work, bring it on!
Haha okay in reminiscence of my days at ACSian Theatre I shall post some pics up here... hope they're not copyrighted or something :x If they are someone please tell me okay, and I'll remove them! =p
'Addaperle, The Feel Good Girl!' I got to wear a pretty pink dress, a tiara, a feather boa, and got fawned on. Enough said ;p
Singapore Buskers' Festival, the motley bunch of us trawling the streets banging our poles on the ground and chanting, briefly pausing a couple of times to dance up a storm! Okay Wayne is looking down and Joe looks stoned though, but it's still a nice colourful picture :p
Group shot at Entabeni, a safari in South Africa... fun fun FUN! The air was simply wonderful and refreshing, all the animals running wild looked healthy and carefree, and the whole place was just so beautiful. (Incidentally, the safari is bigger than the whole of Singapore, haha.)
After teaching the South African kids at Jeppe Girls' School how to bhangra =p
Final pose of Shakalaka at the Singapore Embassy in South Africa... we umm, danced on the lawn. Haha =p
SYF cast and the madams in the studio, after yet another long night of rehearsals. Sitting on the set =p
Rashomon - CHECK out my hair wahahahaha, this is the result of mud, clay, wax and shu's skilled backcombing. Half the audience thought my hair was going to go up in flames though, how amusing. But it was a great play to do... of titanic proportions and unfathomable depths, layers in perception and truth.
Yay :) Next round will post dance photos! Dance was great too haha... pity I have so few photos from dance though.
Hahahaha oh dear talk about getting distracted, this has turned out to be a longer post than I expected. OKAY back to stupid UCTA, I've been on this chapter for days and haven't even reached anywhere near the end. Wonder why biz law chapters take so achingly long to read. Also just realised that biz law is next Friday but MA is next TUESDAY. Have to start doing more MA... Aaaaaaahh...
Many Inexplicable Concerns [about] Having Evidently Languid Lifestyle, Even Though Exams Oncoming! indeed.
:1:38 PM: :sugah~plum
How Very Queer.
My century egg porridge didn't have one perceptible molecule of century egg in it.
I'm incessantly sleepy due to constant medication, feel like crawling right back into bed now.
And MA and biz law are confusing the hell out of me.
Zzz.
:4:41 PM: :sugah~plum
But do you want to be happy for the rest of your life?
I've developed a nasty, nasty cough.
Seems to be a trend, I get sick, tired and stressed near exams. Probably not a good thing though, I highly doubt it helps me to do well. Need to start studying, exams are in less than a week time. Absolutely lost and confused in MA class now, why must they add weird scrap losses and funny percentages to mess up the entire question? Obviously the people setting it didn't spare a thought for poor struggling students who can barely grasp the basics of the topics, much less the additional complexities they've mixed into it. How horrible.
A small smattering of pictures from the past few weeks.
Oreo!
testing out tzeyi's spanking new N90's sepia mode... hmmm...
starbucks at siglap... no pictures please!
trooped off to see lance's gorgeous, handsome cat :)
.....
and a picture which matches my blog template perfectly to a T,
the Banana CT group, sans clara.
The last picture and the starbucks picture was taken on Monday, after we watched Harry Potter. Oh speaking of Harry Potter, the movie was not too bad, but a bit disappointed at the number of cuts made. Perhaps it's really quite an uphill task to convert such a richly detailed book into a sufficiently satisfying movie in 2 and a half hours I guess. But they did alright, capturing the essence of the story, even though the full glory of the plot is somewhat lost, I think. Oh yes, and clara was missing because she already watched Harry Potter.
Oh dear, MA test score is not too good. Now I wonder why I bother studying. But still, better than 4/20 I guess! O_O
:2:58 PM: :sugah~plum
Group CT meeting: 1 person doing work, 1 sleeping, 1 blogging, and 1 playing with a star mogu. Haha how very productive indeed =p
I feel like sleeping too, so tired, it's been like a marathon since thursday. Or well, ever since a few weeks back when school kicked into full swing, I suppose. Okay this is highly amusing, a cute little (warm) fuzzy thing just started nibbling on my sash, while comfortably resting on my back. Haha oops she's gone now. And Da just slapped my ass, ooh, kinky. Oh yes, we were married for like 2 minutes last night because she happily slipped the ring she was wearing on my fourth finger (because Edward refused to wear it ??) haha, but promptly divorced me when I tried to kiss her. Haha, a lot of funny things happening these days.
Dancing is so fun! Especially salsa haha. Although, yes, I step like an elephant (which is probably the reason why my heels keep wearing out so fast, sigh), but still, I've been trying to tread lightly and take smaller steps now, really. Its so, so fun. Last night was great, danced with quite a few people, even some guy who was is in Singapore for a few weeks and tried to dance Cuban style with me, resulting in many confused looks, backbreaks and funny cirle twirling things, haha. Some interesting things were happening too, because of some celebratory and farewell affair going on concurrently, which was great to watch haha.
Went for some dance workshops with crystal at Bodytalks' opening today, even though I was dead tired from Union last night and CT on the whole of Thursday, going for biz law with nearly no sleep. Speaking of which, I must have fell asleep almost everywhere; in tzeyi's car, on the train, in the bus to da's house just now (resulting in me missing the stop, oops), and again at da's house on her sofa, and nearly fell asleep at lunch today too, haha. But the workshops were not bad haha, body accents and exotic dance was super fun haha. Never knew exotic dance was like so tough though, haha. Actually does require quite a bit of effort. Learnt some new shines too I think. Yay!
Okay back to CT... or rather, back to watching shan'er do CT haha.
At 330am...
Da's idea, but she was too lazy to do it haha, so i did it. Nice? =p Hope I got everyone in!
:11:10 PM: :sugah~plum
and alas, how things change.
I am so, horribly, disgustingly tired now haha. After an entire day of running (literally =p) around, behaving like total nutcases (ok me being the biggest one of all O_O), and half the night of trying to edit the videos (after which i promptly fell asleep and left shan'er all the work, whoops), I am finally home... and
It's been a terribly interesting day though haha. Spilt water, crying girl(s), heated arguments, shredded (and tossed =p) tissue... haha. Exciting and out of the ordinary, to say the least. But slightly traumatic to have to ahem. Haha I shall not outline it here... not particularly appropriate. All I can say is that all that training did come to some use after all, hehe.
Ohwell... that's it for now, got to get moving soon and get ready for school. Another long day ahead, haha. The days are getting longer, and sleep is getting more elusive. But it's fun sometimes I guess. Haha.
:6:41 AM: :sugah~plum
Weekends are meant for
Okay, granted, I'm exaggerating a little. Swimming was great, and so was catching up :)
But I swear, from the point of Friday morning til this very moment, there has been a long, long, long and arduous amount of time spent on work. In fact, I'm so tired now, that I actually forgot what I was going to say after the last long. Haha =p omg I'm SO tired. The amount of work there is is just amazingly scary. Feel somewhat relieved that I've sent in POSC already, after our last minute (as usual) session of solid work. As Lloyd would kindly attest to, I think I've sat in that chair for at least more hours than I have fingers. Its disgusting, haha, I've never actually had to do so much work before... grumble grumble grumble. I can't think anymore at the moment, and the tiredness and awful abdominal pains are not helping one bit.
Happy about getting new shoes though! Yay :) a pretty shiny champagne coloured one, similiar to Crystal's current pair. Currently not particularly hyper enough to swoon and exult them happily, but I think I'd be in a better frame of mind when i see them, which will be after the exams as well, which is probably going to be the biggest factor contributing to the aforementioned better frame of mind. If you're wondering why on earth I'm typing so strangely today, it could possibly be attributed to the inordinate amount of time spent trying to conjure coherent and elegant sounding sentences for our POSC report today, yesterday, and Sunday, and also a small part due to the editing of the MA report as well. Quite possibly. Although if that's the case, I should be blogging up numbers as well. Haha.
Speaking of which, its time to try and skim through some slides now before I utterly and completely concuss.
Good luck to us all, and may we all pass the test.
Goodnight.
:1:58 AM: :sugah~plum
it seems that falling asleep really early at my laptop and waking up at insanely early times is becoming a habit for now. i wonder if that's good because it means i'm probably getting more sleep, but i don't really like it coz its boring to be the only one up in the morning, and i like sleeping in properly anyhow. this falling asleep in front of laptop thing has got to stop -_-
anyhow, question of the day, what does 'elephant rubber very long' mean? courtesy of eugene. don't think in any weird way, its really quite simple.
spent last night laughing so hard that my abs(ok umm stomach?) hurt, haha. learnt from them that:
1. the long thing sticking out of a tank is NOT a telescope
2. its NOT used for signalling direction
3. its NOT used to prop the tank upright when it rolls down a hill and tries to tip over
4. the eject hatch at the back is NOT used to eject the guy sitting in it
5. live firing will NOT kill anyone because there won't be anyone peeing in the bushes
this is what happens when you hang out with army boys, sheesh O_O haha but ok i guess i was sufficiently entertained. hmm i feel like swimming, after da put the thought in my head yesterday. but i am so abominably lazy to... and i have MA and POSC report to do =( sounds like such a bleary and bleak day of work ahead, sigh.
Seems like there's so much distance between me and everything else now. The things I used to like doing, the people I used to like hanging out with. The friends I still like hanging out with. I wonder if its from lack of trying or if it simply happens. But then again I've seen people who try and usually get brutally rejected and hurt, that this appears to be an irony. But I guess I just have to remember that I still have friends who will be there for me in times of need, for whom I will do the same. I guess the tiredness and busyness, and the invisible walls, is just kinda getting me down. I guess like josh said yesterday, I want to be utterly and completely convinced that I'm not alone. We never stop wanting, do we?
No one says life is fair because no one actually believes it.
:9:42 AM: :sugah~plum
I've learnt a few things in this year. And one of those things which I've learnt, is that everyone learns in time.
Why does everyone examine the possibility of what if? Someone once told me that what if is a mysterious and queer little thing, it could mean wondrous possibilities or terrible occurrences. How strange, that so many things in life can be drastically changed just with tipping the balance, with the gentlest nudge, or even a sliver of a whisper.
And so I sit here once again, on a Saturday morning, like I once did a year ago, watching Powerpuff Girls. But what happened on that Saturday won't happen this time, not even a variation of it. Because life is different now, and life will always be different. Sometimes its better to just let things be.
that stupid Chicken Little song is stuck in my head haha, numa numa numa ne.
:10:17 AM: :sugah~plum
i am so owning you guys in albatross ;p
haha updates on the past few days. quite simple really, lack of sleep, lack of sleep, a lot of sleep, a lot of sleep, and lack of sleep again last night. haha... but dancing was fun yesterday... am happy with the lessons haha. shall get shoes soon! whee. unfortunately exams are coming soon too, damn. haha... but that also means holidays are coming soon too, yay! biz law report grade was... ok. but proportionate to the amount of work we put in and how slack our group was it's pretty alright already la haha. but feel sad for weiming he could have joined the power group and got A+ or something! haha thanks weiming for saving all our asses. wonder how the individual grades for presentation will be like though =( oh and finally bidded.... ALL my school days are 830 for next year, damn it. but guess its alright since its a 3 day week, haha.
alright back to trying to thrash the guys in albatross wahahahahaa.
PANGYA! the cute girl is me btw, the one sobbing on the floor is weiming and the one with the pumpkin head is andrew haha =p
:5:04 PM: :sugah~plum
stressed. tired. need sleep badly. had quick lunch and dinner while walking today. barely had time to stop. i think i'll sleep tomorrow afternoon away. looking forward to that. if only that horrible beeping noise will stop already, grr. still in school now... this project is really... a lot of trouble. ughs. what a thoroughly unpleasant day. hope tomorrow will be better... sighs. i keep hearing a lot of car noises... sitting by the nice glass window outside 3.10 looking out... these glass windows are really nice man... somewhat soothing. i think i'm quite incapable of thinking right now... but gotta somehow memorise what to say tomorrow... tired... zzzzz.....
:2:31 AM: :sugah~plum
haha yay for sleep... finally got a decent night of sleep haha. but today got to rush BGS slides, my section of the report, AS hwk and stuff for the presentation too. so scary haha so much work... then after bgs is over AS and MA kick in haha. although i have very hardworking groupmates for MA, luckily haha. anyways, here are the photos i wanted to post last night haha =p
where are they and what are they intently gazing upon?
erm, da's ass? no... i think she seems to be doing something unusual...
SHE'S... gasp... WASHING
heh its still funny though, and its still in the kitchen ;p
haha the guys thought it was impossibly amusing and decided to pull chairs into the kitchen to watch =p i went to call her mum and sis to watch and they couldn't stop laughing either hahahaa lol.
and amidst all the BGS...
shan'er got bored. hee.
lol. time to do some work =p
:3:51 PM: :sugah~plum
phew
biz law presentation is finally over. was abit nervous and stuttering and somehow managed to go from that to being very fierce and talking like a bullet train. erps. lack of sleep and coffee plus last minuteness and not knowing material that well, plus a sea of slides probably didn't help much either haha. but at least our presentation went pretty smoothly and well (thanks to weiming's wonderful points O_O) and everyone's hard work cramming stuff last night and this morning haha :) well, phew anyway. haha. and i think the slides were pretty! beams. i like doing slides haha.
haha anyway, my record for longest time and latest time to be in school now stands at 18.5 hours and 3am respectively. =p
ohwell doing bgs at da's house now... or rather supposed to be doing bgs at her house haha, shan'er and da are sleeping actually. well we've all had an immense lack of sleep last night (this morning) so hrmm haha. and poor shan'er had to spend his birthday in school yesterday!! happy belated birthday shan'er! haha well hope the huge triple peaks helped some :) haha oh we kinda did some belated birthday thing for lance too! but unfortunately the pictures are kinda not with me now... or hmm ok i have one of crystal's i can put up now, haha.
6:22PM
heehee. sorry lance =p but betcha enjoyed that!
ok more pics to come later i think, have some rather -amusing- pics of ahem da ahem washing dishes too HAHA... still doing bgs though... project after project after project =(
:12:09 AM: :sugah~plum
02/11/05, during the late hours of the night...
it started like this.
shan - someone thinks zee is hot mwahahahahaha
.:. mich*e||e .:. someone thinks zee is hot mwahaha, ooooh ;p
:: daléna / someone thinks zee is hot mwahahaha, teehee.
~crystal - someone thinks zee is hot mwahahaha!!!
03/11/05, in the middle of the afternoon...
:: daléna / look, it's a pink bra! (1)
.:. mich*e||e .:. and this is what's in it ;p (2)
shan - someone thinks zee is hot despite the socks in his pink bra mwahaha (3)
and with display pictures to match... the final result becomes...
:: daléna / look, it's a pink bra! (1)
shan - "hot" zee before his implants! (3)
.:. mich*e||e .:. and this is what's in it - the implants! ;p (2)
haha i did say that i wouldn't post up weird or obscene photos, but this is too funny to pass up, hee.
we love you too, really ;p
---------------------------------------------------
haha spent most of my day in holland v today, having lunch, dinner AND supper there. how amazing haha... but i guess i kinda miss the place, having spent a good lot of the past two plus years there. was great catching up with the guys and talking about ac stuff and erm, the SAF haha which ok granted, was fairly interesting as well haha. ohwell guess it was kinda unavoidable when hanging out with 4 army guys haha. the funny thing is that i'm apparently one of the most ditzy in our bunch, imagine that haha. i have no idea why they thought that my asking for the green stuff for the fries was ditzy though! haha. i am such an innocent party grin. i didn't think that france was the capital of paris or that char siew grew on trees! ;p which incidentally, i think is immensely funny, and cute (:
haha i love people. they're so fun to be with most of the time.
and i love my mum, she makes a lot of sense sometimes. and she's nice too :) i love my dad too, because although he makes a lot of noise, he really cares.
haha oh dear why so i sound so sappy today haha. feel generally quite mellow and jovial these days haha... i guess its partly coz I DON'T HAVE TO BE IN SCHOOL today... haha ok actually its fine la school is okay la, enjoying the company and stuff, not quite enjoying the projects and papers and assignments though haha. and getting slightly worried for exams... oh dear. and it seems i might not get to go to spain in dec after all, mutter. haha but then again, in this case i might not miss christmas celebrations here? not sure... see what happens.
haha ok damn it have to wake up impossibly early tomorrow morning for class. technically should go sleep soon. haha like that's ever possible!
cool movies i wanna watch: The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Domino, and Sky High! (:
the army is funny! :)
:1:31 AM: :sugah~plum
yay! corduroy and finch was brilliant :)
this was so cute i HAD to take a picture of them... they're called... HANDSOME strawberries =) haha didn't get it immediately but a second later i realised why they were called handsome strawberries... so cute and clever!
haha thaaaaaaaaannkssss steve =p
and i am SO glad that i don't have to go to school tomorrow, PHEW.
:12:05 PM: :sugah~plum
oh my... i sounded terribly petulant yesterday. haha... i know they mean well, and i understand. but i guess at the point in time i just get irritated. ohwell haha. i guess that's quite common right... understanding things but nevertheless getting irritated or annoyed by them at the point in time for a while. haha i can't do petulant though, not the cutesy type hahas =p oh i really like my outfit today though! wore completely white from head to toe (to neutralise yesterday's sombre goth black, i suppose, haha), and feel rather... light and happy-ish. how strange haha, maybe i should wear bright colours and white more often. oh had yummy chocolate fondue today too, yay! :)
haha halloween yesterday was a blast! i think we had a lot more fun dressing up and taking pictures than actually dancing and enjoying the party though haha, coz the music was a little weird i guess? but the deco rocked haha, chinablack was really done up for halloween, and kudos to stevie for a great party (ok despite the music haha). we took loads of pictures haha so here's some (out of the hundreds =p)
at my house...
muacks! cute lil bunny blowing a kiss to an ahem, shy, sweet nanyang girl =p
crystal looking immensely cute, switching the dominatrix whip for the wings for a while hehe.
check out the eyelashes, whoa!
da the cute(hot? =p) bunny and the two drag queens =p heels! and pompoms ;p haha doesn't tzeyi look like a mannequin here? and lance looks... coughtranscough blink!
group photo before leaving! raawwrr.
haha slightly horrified that the guys were wearing mostly my clothes, and horror of horrors, my BRAS hahaha and tzeyi's skirt courtesy of da. especially so since the "guys" got their "breasts" groped the entire night O_O my mum was very much amused at the proceedings and couldn't stop raving this morning about how pretty she thinks tzeyi looks and that he(she?) is professional drag queen standard, cough cough cough cough. =p and if my room looks a mess... ohwell it was coz makeup and pompoms and clothes were strewn everywhere haha. not that it isn't usually messy, just less so =p
more... at chinablack!
i found a like-minded goth friend! =p featuring weikiat the yellow emoticon in the background, haha. (i seriously thought he was joking when he said he'd come as an emoticon!)
weiming pimping... what a frightfully pink photo heehee :p
and we met dawn, yay, whom i hadn't seen in ages!!!
lloyd and lance being very..... gay O_O
hahaaa eileen being funny, ooooh :p
haha finally... a big group pic! not all of us are here though... but aren't the lkc bunch a cool bunch! ;p so many of us dressed up yeeaaahh! haha :)
haha ok some of the pics, although really funny, are kinda.... obscene and should not be posted up here, haha =p or ok also coz there are WAAAAAAYYY too many pics and can't possibly post all. haha flood la :p oh and if i look sian its coz i purposely tried to look scary for pics =p though Death is actually a damn cute perky goth la erps. haha. but not many people got it i think! Sandman, Sandman!! haha ok granted, she's super skinny and flat and white, but ahhh... i couldn't think of anything else, plus i really like her haha. half my friends couldn't recognise me under the makeup though erps :x haha damn fun... but was super tired after yesterday night, ugghs haha. today still had to drag myself out of bed early to go to school for MA and biz law meeting sighs haha... and on a public holiday too! grrrs. haha so spent the whole day in school doing slides and stuff, zzz. was quite hyper too coz was running on about 4 or 5 interrrupted sleep and 1 can of coffee. haha. ok have MA presentation tomorrow, sigh... should go do something about it now i guess haha.
oh ran into weilin just now too! heard a shriek from da and went to see and lo, and behold, it was weilin! sooooo bizarre, considering we hadn't seen her in SUPER long, for me it was like more than 2 years man i think O_O haha =p but was pretty cool to catch up. haha and another random comment... i am heartened by the simple courtesy of strangers when they go out of their way to help. haha. maybe because such things are pretty rare here... dunno why everyone is so unfriendly hmm.
oh yes, happy birthday to tzeyi! er... crap technically it was yesterday already oops. hope you enjoyed your triple cupcakes, haha =p (from me, shan'er, da and lance, and in case you're wondering, that isn't really your actual present :p) okok enough... MA MA!!
:1:05 AM: :sugah~plum