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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Amidst all the slumber.

Whilst everyone is sleeping, I lie awake, thinking.
Is this really all there is to it?
No, no pretty, glitzy, bright, cheery pictures today.
No happy post.

As the droplets of water roll languidly down the glass window, as does my spirits.

You know the feeling you get when your entire body is wracked with a tingly shudder and your heart develops a dull ache, and your eyes become watery? Yup, that.

Sometimes I wish I knew how to better express myself.

I sound.
How very pretentious.

And random.

It's so very ironic when a source of pain turns into the soothing salve for the the raw open wound that results from a heart bleeding.

It's such a pity, if an opportunity or chance to blossom into the most beautiful encounter is destroyed by the selfish need of others.

It's just sad when things which not ought to happen, happen. Or vice versa.

Sometimes you try so hard to get what you think you want and then find out it's not really what you wanted at all.

I'm just thinking too much, really. What does this matter, in our lives. Do people really think about these things much? Somehow I wonder why we're even in existence. What justifies the things we do? Mind-boggling, isn't it. Perhaps we should just forget it and slack our lives away without having ever achieved anything. Just have fun.

But that's immensely sad. Or maybe everyone really only wants to be loved.

"Love each other or perish."? Perhaps.

I like chinese songs. And the sky. And the warmth of the sunlight shining upon me when I come out from a cold room. I like to be spoiled occasionally, to be treated as if I were worth something and mean something.

And I'm so impossibly random today that I cannot take it and have to stop now. Doesn't help that I didn't listen at all during QM. So much for taking summer term to pull up GPA.


.....
And I try. I do; I really am. But some things can't be done. And I am trying to figure out the best possible solution. It has always been kept in consideration. But I'm nowhere near perfect, so don't bloody hell expect me to be.

And those things hurt.

I think I'm just tired. And sick, again. Damn it. Just because I missed two lousy antibiotics.

:7:53 PM: :sugah~plum

Monday, April 24, 2006

Pioneer Residents' Day 2006


And so went by, our very first salsa performance, at some unassuming little residents' fair all the way in the far West corner of Singapore.

The first performance was apparently much less than desired, but strangely enough I felt that I managed to do the shines a bit better for the first one. Abit wobbly during the second one, could be because this rostrum was almost completely blocking me HAHA or maybe because not warmed up enough due to a long duration of sitting and stoning. But feedback was that the night one was pretty good. I hope it's true!

The day was spent waiting; and Crystal was inspired by the man giving out helium balloons to the little kids not far behind us, which resulted in this:

A pretty string of colourful balloons up into the sky!

She happily told the balloon man that she was trying to reach the sky :)

Crystal looking gleefully at her string of balloons haha.

With Gupson!

The performers.


-----------------------------------
Feel strangely introspective all of a sudden on this dreary Monday morning/early afternoon. Suddenly occured to me that my first year in university is technically over and I haven't actually done anything substiantial at all. If I could come up with grand and workable ideas which I was passionate about perhaps I could do something to make an impact, to effect change or something, but I haven't got any yet. And I think, perhaps, in some ways I'm really not ready yet. In terms of thinking, intelligence, maturity, everything, I wish I could develop more as a person. I do believe that experiences do shape the person, and I guess I need more of that.

Envying others who have done great things you wish you could do or had done, probably doesn't help, and you need to really just go and find your own. Even if I could do it, which I think perhaps I could, it doesn't seem enough to be doing what others have done before. And I guess some things like the strongest bonds of personal relationships can't be found, which sort of find you instead.

It's strange how lives can be so interlinked and separate at the same time. Dynamics are always changing. Well. Determination and passion can be a great driving factor. Hopefully, I can find these before the end of my stay here at SMU, and even if anything is less than desired, your environment is what you make of it and what you make out of it, so I do sincerely hope that I have a fulfilling university life that rivals or even surpasses that of what I had in AC, and try not to get sucked in by the general apathy of the student body.

But of course, like everything else, easier said than done. Sigh, try. Need to stop lazing about and drag myself to school too. Boooo. Kinda grumpy today.


:11:48 AM: :sugah~plum

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Burn The Floor.



Burn The Floor was amazing. Reminded me of how much I love dance shows, and how a live performance can never, ever beat a televised one. It's extravagant, beautiful and spectacular shows like these which make me closer to understanding what Raj was trying to say to us back then. Some people think that when someone tells you to dance like you're really feeling the music, or adopt a stage persona and character with some sort of storyline dancing, it's kind of silly, but it isn't, really. It might be, in a little studio when you're rehearsing, but somehow it's different when you're on stage. I've always marvelled at the magic of theatre and staging. It's magic not only for the audience, but for the performers on stage who've transformed, and are in a whole new exciting world for that hour or two. (Disclaimer: a proper stage, with decent lights and sound, thank you.)

Now I want to catch the entire show, dreamy sigh.

Haha of course there were quite a few flaws as well, but they're forgiveable, because well, no one is THAT good really. I know I'm obsessed with synchrony, but its impossibly beautiful, and simply GORGEOUS. Nothing I feel, can be more impactful, stirring and aesthetically pleasing in a mass kind of dance number, than the absolute moving together in steps which truly intepret and live out the music. Helps that they're all pretty hot, too.

I wouldn't know if it was a good dance performance, but to me, it was a great DANCE performance. Haha. You know what I mean ;p

That's the kind of glitzy, HUGE performances which they emulate, that I used to be a small part of in AC. But well it's just too bad that no one here can dance like that. No one here can dance like the (HOT) people in So You Think You Can Dance too! (warning: official site has many spoilers!) Oh. My. Gosh. Can get orgasmic watching it, ahahahaha.

Blaaaake. Mmm haha actually I didn't think he was hot until I saw him dance. Fwaah.

Craig and Melanie - I think they're cute haha, she's such a great dancer and his body control is a-m-a-z-i-n-g.

Dreamy sigh. Unfortunately, even if I trained from now til forever, I don't think I could ever get half as good. As it is, my poor feet are suffering majorly from all the dancing in heels for salsa (and clubbing in 4 inch metal stiletto heels; a huuuge mistake), which is causing me to develop a hard-as-nails sole now. Boo. Well, first salsa performance tomorrow... hope I don't trip and fall and die. Somehow still not all that confident in heels haha it's still somewhat new to me, although getting slightly more comfortable with it. Getting very used to it for salsa though, but I want new heels these aren't very good!

And our Quote of the Day is:

"Fernando Alonso made a deal with the devil! He said 'I'll give you my eyebrows in exchange for race wins!' That's why his eyebrows are so bushy!" - Crystal


---------------------------------------

And sometimes, the smallest things are the sweetest.
Blessed with love and luck without ever knowing it.

:4:42 AM: :sugah~plum

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Forgive the randomness.



Exams are over, exams are over! YAYYY!!! And since the fateful monday morning where I walked out from my FA exam 20 mins early because I finished the damn 3 hour paper in 2 in a frenzy because I stupidly thought it was a 2 hour paper, and well gave up after a while because I didn't really know what else to do anyway, I'm free! Haha. Well, not really but for a little while anyway. Since then been doing really random stuff like umm, make earrings,

Yayy :)



sew beads on my laptop case, (I've been told that's really bimbotic, but who cares, Andy has an A on his! ;p), and take lots of random pictures. I've discovered that taking pictures is fun!! Like seriously. Of simply everything! I feel like bringing a camera everywhere I go now, except that umm. I don't actually have one. Haha.

Finally took a picture of the new necklace I made too! :)

Yesterday night was the dinner thing at Prof Pang's house with most of the LKC scholars. Was pretty fun! Took a couple of random pictures, because well, we're all photo whores at heart, really.

Ta-da, the set up crew who put up and wiped all the tables and chairs!

With Edmund, Xiayue and Alex. From the all boys table! Wonder what they were doing congregating together, tsk.

Prof Pang painted this!!! Damn cool lah omg.

With my lovely girls, Peiyan and Qinlei.

My little Crystal and I got bored at some point and decided to take a cool sunglasses photo ;p


Mr Wee decides to join in.... sorry dude, I think we look waaay cooler.

Dalena (yes it IS Da), not to be beaten, gives her classic hairtoss - "I'm the coolest!"

Haha. Forgive the melodrama, I'm on a slight high from the end of exams, some shopping, and a fairly exciting bout of phototaking. I should take photos more often, they make me happy! Even managed to stop me from being upset about the damn B+ I got for Democracy, which I really should have gotten A- for, just because of a really stupid, stupid mistake(s) on my part for the final exam. Damn. Haha but ohwell. What's done is done. And... to end off my post, here are my random photos, trying to make use of the macro(?) function or whatever it's called... the making things in the foreground sharp and the background blur which is so fun! :D

My first try!

And another...

And... salsa shoe!

Teeheehee, how completely random. And off to clear my room and paint my nails now. Holidays rock. Til QM, that is. Sad me! ;p

:3:46 PM: :sugah~plum

Saturday, April 15, 2006

A random piece of drivel. I just want to say that; if I ever become infertile in the future, I blame SMU and excessive radiation from standing in front of the photocopying machine for a copious amount of time photocopying an insane amount of notes.

Democracy in 7 hours. Wish me luck; I think I'm going to need it.

:1:44 AM: :sugah~plum

Friday, April 14, 2006

Take the Lead.

Woot. Okay this poster kinda clashes with my blog, but oh what the hell.

Caught Take the Lead yesterday and oooooooooohhh, inspired to learn the tango or the Argentine tango now. Ooh. Admittedly, the movie was somewhat slow moving for bits, and the plot slightly hackneyed and similar to other dance movies, but it was pretty witty and endearing, and most of the dance scenes were WORTH IT. Oh boy, it was worth watching just for those scenes. In fact, I'd even buy the vcd to watch that dance over and over again. That, my friend, is what I'd call a unique dance. Okay maybe it's been done before, but STILL. Hot, hot, HOT. One complaint though - not enough dancing!

Ooh la la.

Was supposed to catch Typhoon, but couldn't resist when I saw this. And watching Burn The Floor next week, yay. I want to dance soon! No salsa for the whole of this week because supposed to be studying. Was most unfortunately plagued with a fever, sore throat, flu and cough for the whole of Tuesday and half of Wednesday and so didn't study for the past 3 days. Cough, sore throat and flu still remains but thankfully the fever is gone, and hopefully I get well before Democracy paper on Saturday. Oh dear la, the exam format sounds scary.

And...
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Went to Ikea with Shan today on a whim, and had Swedish MEATBALLS! YAYY I LOVE the sauce lah... and the jam... and the meatballs. Yum. Damn happy lah hahaha. I can't quite explain why it's nice, but it just is. Oh bought some nice cheap markers and stamp thingies from Ikea too, they're how nice! Pink butterfly stamp, go figure. Haha.

Oh yes, and something which made me laugh so hard today; is a typically AH-style class blog lit critique session. For some light reading and a spot of entertainment, please refer here.

:2:03 AM: :sugah~plum

Monday, April 10, 2006

You know you're really tired when...

- You start giggling at everything, literally.
- You don't remember what you want to type even though you knew it a minute ago.
- You read a question at least 3 times, but completely miss the n value which is in plain sight and thus lost an easy 10 marks or so.
- You wake up in the morning and are rendered completely unable to type out the right password to unlock your laptop, only succeeding after at least 5 tries.
- You wobble when you walk.
- You say really strange, random things which don't make any sense.

The weirdest thing is, sometimes you're so tired or sleepy until you're not tired/sleepy anymore and just running on plain adrenaline. Or something. I felt that yesterday... at around 4am nothing could go in anymore. And at around 530am I was still feeling stoned and unable to sleep. Why do we bother torturing ourselves over such things, really. I was never able to explain why. For the uninformed, we've been staying up mugging really hard (well, distractions notwithstanding), til around 4 or 5am two nights in a row until our brains stopped functioning. Not sure why though, is it really to maintain a GPA for a scholarship we have to upkeep, to pass, or is it simply just a matter of pride, that we cannot allow ourselves to do below our expectations of ourselves. I never managed to decide what the reason was. Maybe all. And maybe I'm a little incoherent now, heh.

Oh one more thing....

- You start reading strange notepad files saved on your computer.

Shan's early development of the love of 69...
"(Friend) That Crazy Toonster: '1+1=11!'
(Friend) Renahs: '1+1=69 larh'
(Friend) Renahs: 'says who! hmmph! when u have 1 girl and 1 guy, add em up = 69 what!'
(Friend) .GrumPY. Silmeria: 'no. 1+1 (w/o condom) = 3'
"

Smackdown!
"(Friend) Tender Tails: 'royden is just a big outcast eq that is so outcasted that nobody wants :P'
(Friend) Tender Tails: 'only 2 types of people sends him notes 1)ppl looking for a groupin partner 2) ppl looking for a groping partner'
"

And, some things just haven't changed.
"(Friend) Andromeda Dionne: 'what's a blow job?'
(Friend) Andromeda Dionne: 'Rok says 'A blow job is when you blow air on something and it gets all tingly.''
(Friend) Andromeda Dionne: 'Rok says 'You get a fan and turn it on. It blows air, so it's called a blow job.''
"

Oh, the randomness...
INFO: All please welcome Chair, Aardwolf's newest adventurer!
INFO: Chair is an experienced Aardwolf player.
[HELPER]: chair and table... what's the world coming to?!
[HELPER]: yeaps and they can get mawwied!
[HELPER] Nuada: and then their would be a child named desk
INFO: All please welcome Table, Aardwolf's newest adventurer!
INFO: Table is an experienced Aardwolf player.
[HELPER]: EHHH wait.... issat malcore?!
[Newbie] (1) Table: shhhhh
[Newbie] (Helper) Malcore: sorry chair i just had to:) thought you might want some company:)
[HELPER] Metria: Chair raised a level...Now he's a highchair!
INFO: All please welcome Furniture, Aardwolf's newest adventurer!
INFO: Furniture is an experienced Aardwolf player.
[HELPER] Abdiel: i tried creating Desk. they said you couldn't. why not.
[HELPER]: too much furniture?


Yes, I know. I was (am?) a geek.

:3:11 PM: :sugah~plum

Friday, April 07, 2006

Absolute photo whoring.



It seems I'm not the only one who hasn't really found out, exactly, who and what I really am. Is what you see really what you get? Whose words can you really trust, in a fatalistic, predominantly self-centred society, with hidden motives and selfish priorities. Why don't people have the courtesy to mean what they say, and consider that other people might be relying on their words and believing wholeheartedly in it. Or maybe, just maybe, the idiots believing are well, just naive, and stupid. But it's sad to know that the world is such that people who believe are idiots and people who treat everything lightly are the ones who are correct, simply because they are the majority. Talk is cheap. Whatever happened to the sanctity of anything. And I'm one to talk right, huh.

I guess this is going to be a long combined post once again. But I promise, not too long. Time seems to pass so fast these days I don't even notice that I haven't blogged in a week.

Wednesday night, 2am.
I wanted to blog just now, but somehow the words are failing to come to me at this very moment. I think this is going to be one of those posts where people say that they have something to say yet have no clue how to express it, and end up not saying anything coherent or understandable at all. Yep. Quite possible.

Packed lots of salsa into Friday and Saturday, going for a (pretty good) salsa beach party at Sentosa on the latter day, which was a refreshing change from Union actually. Sadly, forgot to bring a camera though, so no pictures haha. Visted Chinatown too (good dimsum!!) and went crazy over beads, thus creating a nice new pretty necklace. Oh right I should take a picture of it, hee.

Okay I've got a picture of the OTHER one though, haha.

One more word. CRABS. How could anyone hate crabs? Black pepper, chilli, butter, steamed, whatever. Mmmm.

But then again, wasn't so sure they were worth staying up so late for, when I ended up feeling damn tired the next day. Need to gym more though hmm. Yes also ended up downing a significant amount of coffee, though must admit, it was rather yummy mmm.

Exhausted from hellish stats; stayed in school til 3 plus (am) doing the assignment yesterday. Quite ridiculous imho, but did have Xiayue for company for quite a while until he gave up on work and went to sleep. Then got sucked in by inertia and goodness knows what else and got depressed and lonely staying in a (freaking!) cold and empty room in the middle of the night -_- well went home in the end, don't think I could ever manage staying over in school, it feels too sad. Don't ask me why. Spent most of today stressing over stats too. It ended up about 10 minutes late I think, damn. And not complete too, sigh.

Friday, 3pm.
Arrival at MoS 060406 - music was pretty good, but the crowd was either nonexistent, or strange for quite a bit. When it got pretty cool, both at smoove and the main arena, everyone wanted to leave. Boo. =( I loved my top though, the reason why I turned temporary tailor yesterday.

Cool.

The DJ who brought us the music - PWL.

Dressed to kill, with my lovely Dalena dear. (I refuse to post the other one because I look deranged. Da looks hot in it though ;p)

Photos courtesy of hotshot photographer, Jeremy Nguee.

Group photo - Tzeyi, looking like a total pimp, as usual. Looks like he's trying to strangle me, too. Missing Pris though!

Photo courtesy of umm, bewildered MoS staff.

Pretty strange though, my stats exam is in... 3 days, and I haven't even started studying. Even Tzeyi and Da are working harder than me omg. It's funny how I'm only vaguely worried. Okay, it's not really funny, but oh well. I NEED TO STUDY. Sigh. And I think I'm still going to Union tonight, too (Weds was SO empty, boo!) Where did my entire week go to haha, study break my foot. Sigh... I really never learn, never take good advice, and never do what's good for me. At the end of the day I have no one to blame but myself. Haha but at least I know that and I don't run around blaming other people hur.

Anyway... sorry I missed you out the last time dear! (Finally have a pic with you, HAHA)
Muacks! Much love to you. :)

And....
I rock. Hur.

:6:16 PM: :sugah~plum

:: morning found the breeze, a hundred miles away. ::