Inspired.
I love reading a beautiful poem, and feeling, at the same time, deep sadness, a little hope and joy, and perhaps even some emotions too complex you can't even put a name to. And it inspires me to think, and to feel, shaking me out of the stupor I hardly notice I'm caught in, amongst the sheer mundaneity of life.
Sigh. I sorta cried. And I shall share with you the poem which evoked these feelings - one written by (ok this might sound rather strange) my TWC project groupmate (haha), whom I (accidentally) insinuated was unattractive and umm, smelly (haha sorry Gaston!!) But who is incidentally, a fantastic poet. And not unattractive and smelly lah; quite the opposite! ;p Haha.
Birthday
i.
My birthday.
I had just witnessed you cry,
When I revealed I might fly
To America for college.
It was silent.
And because I was focused
On the pain of your silent,
Chin-downed tears,
It was grey, black and white,
Stuff of dreams
And old movies.
ii.
You gave me an important cake.
My first, non-family cake.
Those cocktail paper umbrellas
You bought out of desperation;
Cold Storage didn't decorate cakes.
I remember opening and closing them
Repeatedly, testing the durability
Of your love
And later spinning them around,
Heavy dandelions disguised by night-light.
I know you'd have planned something
Better, if I had told you we'd meet
An hour before.
But perfection is regard,
Not fact.
iii.
We settled into the red plastic slides
Of the playground.
Fingers locked like VGA cables,
We stared into the confessional night,
That finally revealed her cards:
A Full House of Diamonds.
VGA cables,
Because we were both thinking –
At the same time, no doubt –
Whether we'd love longer than they'd live,
Those stars.
In that instant,
The weight of air changed.
Not lighter or heavier
But weighing exactly between
A moment and eternity.
iv.
I remember telling you how
If someone could lose hope
They never had it in the first place.
I still believe it.
Gaston Ng
from Softblow, a Poetry Journal (www.softblow.com)
Oh wow. If only I could write like that, if only. And well, Week 13 is officially over. Now to get through the exams. Whoopee, wish me luck :x
:11:55 PM: :sugah~plum
YAAAARGGHH.
Okay I think I overreacted. Majorly sigh. But yes, the stress IS getting to me.
Finance presentation down. Finance report, TWC presentation, Glob report, Counseling presentation and report, and T&A research essay to go. And THEN, the exams. Oh DEAR.
:3:07 PM: :sugah~plum
Keeping the faith.
I like watching movies, because it gives me hope. Of how things might be. And an avenue to see how lives can unfold, even though its not always too close to our reality. Damn. I wish I weren't so silly, idealistic, and dreamy. Then I could, maybe, somehow, be happy. More easily. But well, good things don't come easy, that I know. Haha. Well, not to everyone, anyway.
Hmm. Been damn restless recently - I hate this term's Week 12 and 13, it's just so gross. It's not right to have to stay home the entire weekend to work on reports, it's just not. Worse to be in school yes, but ah well, we're ALL miserable lah, really. And people wonder why I'm so incensed when they say something like 'party too hard ah' when I seem tired and damn bloody stressed. True, I went to Union on Friday and danced like mad... but seriously lah. One night of fun amongst an entire week of hell? Don't tell me that's not normal.
Haha. Mehhh. Can't wait for term to end. But I bet when it does I'll miss the people and everything. Won't miss the damn project reports and presentations though! I hope internship will be fun... and erm, I hope I can get one, in the first place.
Okay hmm... shall share something I wrote in counseling class 2 weeks ago out of sheer boredom and restlessness (on the back of a Union Square and an Ice Cold Beer receipt, hurhur.) -
"Strangers in a still photograph... You know nothing about them, besides where they are, what they're wearing, what they're doing. The girl - in an orange bikini, and the guy, in a blue and white singlet. You can almost feel the electricity in the photograph. And you think, you almost know these people. It doesn't matter who they are, what they do, what their names are; because for that moment in time when they were caught on film, you know. And feel. What they feel. You know, what they know.
By the fire in their embrace, the way they touch, the way their faces tilt and the way, their lips meet. Their passion forever encapsulated, frozen in time, shared with strangers, who wonder who these beautiful people are, and why they are there. And wonder, how a single picture can touch the lives of others; inspire dreams of love, of past hopes, and future promise. And then, you hope for the best for them, and hope, that someday, you would have such a beautiful photograph which would make others feel, too.
Ooh and I want to watch Paris, Je t'aime! It looks pretty and nice, as most French films do :) Don't close yet, please!
:1:15 PM: :sugah~plum
Sugarpie honeybunch.
Here's a random little thought:
Fat lips are goooooooooooood.
Hmm Da thinks I have a pouty lower lip.... ya think?
Hurhur.
This is silly haha I actually have a sort of break today because US class was cancelled as Hikaru is sick, and I'm doing silly things like that?! Tsk. Especially when I have a whole lot of stuff to do ahaha. But no worries, am doing this intermittently, not spending my whole day on it! Just woke up from a rather long nap though, so even though the bed looks terribly tempting, I shall not venture back there.
Umm, oops. I did. Hahahaha slept for another 2 hours :x too much dancing! Tired =p haha the whole weekend was spent dancing - at the welcome party, at Union, at the workshops conducted by Ismael and Yesenia, at the farewell party. But I was feeling quite on by Sunday night haha. Maybe because high. And had sort of enough sleep. Hehe. Okay here's some pictures from the weekend festivities, then.
Freaking wonderful performance by Ismael Otero and Yesenia Peralta - her head flicks are freaking superb man! And the way they both drop together is damn cool =p am suitably wowed!
Okay I know the last few photos look damn egoistic ahaha, and yes, they are. But anyway yeah the ADS photographer kind of decided that since he was helping us take pictures of ourselves, he ought to take the chance to take some of his own haha. And so he posed us. The DXO staircase damn nice lah! Gold and glittery =D Haha but actually I think that the composition in the last photo was kinda weird; so filled it out with words and effects :p nice?
Haha oh oh and I spun at Union Square last Friday! Yay. It was how cool hahaha to play wth the equipment and all hurhur. My only regret is that I couldn't dance to the songs I played hahaha. Got complaints that the songs were too fast though, SAD. They were how nice lah hahah but had to play at like minus dunno what speed :x Oh and went to Attica after, with a bunch of salsa people. It was kinda weird, but well, I didn't feel like going home haha. Attica is a nice place in terms of decor and atmosphere, I think, but the crowd leaves more to be desired. Can anyone say sleazy/skanky? Hehe. And watched 300 on Sat night!
Omg it's BRILLIANT lah. Like seriously. Amazing amazing amazing amazing. I could've done with less head severing, but umm, I guess the blood and gore was necessary. I loved the cinematography. And I love war movies hahaha. I know, it's silly, since I dislike looking at bloody and gory scenes. But I love the ideals behind the war, the camaraderie shared by the men who somehow find hope and the strength to go on fighting (or even when they don't), the strength of emotions, and the feelings it inspires. Just brilliant. And it makes us think, how much blood has been shed for us to become who we are today. And hopefully it reminds us how much pain there is, and how sometimes, war isn't the only way out, that if we can avoid it in the future, we should.
Heh. Oh my, what a whole lot of words. Hmm actually I had something else to post, but I suppose I shall save it for another time =p shall go do what I'm supposed to be doing - figuring out how to plot a cumulative historical returns graph for Hyflux. Grossgrossgross. :(
And I would've posted this happy, but I really wish I didn't hear what I just heard, because now, I can't.
:9:15 PM: :sugah~plum
Tired, tired, tired.
Gallivanting around town engaging in absolute decadance and spontaneity was terribly fun. A little night away from reality, indulging in beer, alcohol, fried calories, a thai band, pool, shisha, and a little reminscing and reliving. I think quite a lot of that made my sore throat and cough a little worse, but ah well, it was worth it. It was fun, and rather nice, but also somewhat dishonourable. And annoying, and unfair. But anyway, I'm not expecting it to happen again.
Ah well... Have this whole lot of backed up work threatening to drown me this week. Looks like it's going to be total madness for the next few weeks - the Week 11 to Week 14 craziness, as usual. Sitting still for hours on end working on endless projects, assignments and presentations, is not even remotely funny. Shoulder, back and head aches galore. And to top it all off, amidst a million deadlines, there's a major salsa event happening all through Thursday to Sunday, which we can't miss.
I can't wait for Week 15 to be over.
If ever you are in fantasyland, or taking a moment from life, reality always comes back to bite you in the ass.
:2:11 AM: :sugah~plum
Angst-ish.
Yawn. An update since the end of the holidays - still not one bit of work done since then. Also, I've moved on from Heroes to Prison Break. And I don't think I should be proud of it, hmm. Haha instead, I've ended up.... sick. Totally stuffed up (again, sigh), and plus my mouth is overrun with ulcers; a result of I'm not sure what, going for dance and singing pracs and not sleeping enough and running around a lot, I guess. The past weekend especially, was rather crazy.
Also, Chiew's birthday was last Friday; Happy Birthday, Chiew! <3! Went to her house for damn nice food hahaha then headed to Momo to support Hege for her pole dance competition; which was really quite cool lah. Okay I took quite a lot of pictures at Momo, but kinda too lazy to put them up. Actually supposed to be studying for a test now, OOPS.
Saturday was a mad day, which resulted in me falling asleep like almost everywhere, and then Monday came - the day when we performed SINGAPORE: a geopolitical utopia. It was really quite a cool experience; singing in Russian with the Moscow Vasiliev Choir, and quite an honour too, to be on the same stage as the brillant violinist Tatiana Grindenko, and with the SSO as well. Quite fantastic. All in all, rather fun. Oh and went for some ubercool gala dinner thing at the National Museum after; which was the absolute epitome of schmoozing with upper society, all while eating caviar and sipping champagne.
Haha took a lot more photos, but once again, too lazy to post them up.
Okay hmm all that above was typed on Wednesday during TWC class. It's Thursday night now and I am terribly terribly tired and sleepy. Watched a preview of 'The Swimming Instructor' just now, and hmm it's actually pretty good! Ok just a little advertisement here then -
And no, I'm not acting live. In fact, since not much of my film segments were put in, I'm hardly doing any acting at all. Haha. =p
And, I am DAMN SAD NOW. Because someone bought the GORGEOUS $200 (original price $399?!!) Aldo shoes that I've been eyeing. The first ever pair of shoes that I fell deeply in LOVE with... and they just have to be too expensive for me and BOUGHT BY SOMEONE ELSE. Whywhywhy... sobs. Okay yeah sounding rather angsty, I know (and just for shoes, too, sigh). Think I'm pms-y these few days. Ah well. Okay finally time to get some rest and hope my voice comes back and that I'll stop hacking half my lungs out or something.
Goodnight, world.
:1:34 AM: :sugah~plum