Lost another piece.
It always boils down to the core of it; whether there is enough. Love, determination, courage, faith, hope, and the like, to do things which are difficult. Difficult, but important, and which really means something to you. But in a game where there are two players, there usually needs to be equal or at least not overly disporportionate amounts given by them to overcome the sometimes, insurmountable obstacles, to make something work. If there isn't, one simply has to give more than the other. And if the one who gives more never tires or it, or the one who gives less doesn't feel bad about it, then maybe, it might work. But the former usually tires, and the latter usually feels guilty. And then all things come crashing down.
And the funny thing is, I'm almost always the former. Not counting things which never reached a more developed state, but for those... it seems to me like I am always foolishly the one willing to give. But as I'm sure I have said before, I am very simple; if I like someone enough, I will be willing to give wholeheartedly, and I only expect the very basic fundamental things in return, and anything more, might be hoped somewhere deep inside, for the future, but never expected of. And for people who mean enough, I will wait. Despite tears or pain, I will endure them.
It makes little sense to me, that despite of, and maybe even because of this, I am shunned. It makes me tempted to come to a conclusion that if you are nice to people, give in to them, they won't like you, and will either take you for granted, or feel pressured to give the same in return, which, I know, is not possible for some people, and I never felt like I needed to have the same. Or maybe, they just feel unhappy to not be able to give me what I hope to have, and more often then not, I think they have been pushed away by this. And it strikes me as terribly ironic, that I drive people away by caring too much.
Should I be taking that as a lesson to stop caring so much, to stop thinking about people who really mean something to me and to stop trying to be nice to them? Or maybe I'm always just picking the wrong guys. We're too different... I've heard this more than once before; when it actually really means, We're too different, and I just don't like you enough to make it work.
But I suppose, to quote something from Postsecret;
"Better to be rejected for who you are, than accepted for who you aren't."
And I guess, I just have to wait for someone who can accept me for who I am; however flawed, stupid, and emotional I am.
:1:40 PM: :sugah~plum
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