Heartbroken.
Not only men, but friends can break your heart as well.
And mine is now, frankly, quite broken. Somewhere, somehow, I must have hit the tipping point, and ended up pushing away people I hold very dear to me, and I don't know what to do. Not only that, I've also hurt alot of other people, who never deserve to be hurt, especially not by a selfish idiot like me. It's a wonder I've got any friends left.
Yes, I make my choices. And evidently I've made some really bad choices in the past. I feel like I'm always choosing the harder path... if I had made some different choices I'd have no lack of friends and company, and someone to really love me, right now. But I didn't choose that. Strange, huh? And now instead, I find my friends disappearing, one by one.
Perhaps I've never really made enough of an effort to maintain these relationships. Perhaps. I don't know, anymore. Or maybe I've just been given up on because of my ridiculously irrational choices.
I guess I somewhat used to think of my close friends as a sort of a SATC group; that they'd stick by me no matter what sort of idiotic decisions I make, and I'd do the same for them. There are some people I want to be friends with for life, and feeling that this might not happen, kind of hurts really badly.
I think I'll go and curl up in a ball and mope now.
But in any case... life goes on, I guess. I just wish it didn't have to be this way... but I guess, we can't always get what we wish for. Perhaps it's one or the other... The theory of equivalent trade maybe? We must sacrifice something to get something back in return? Because I finally seem to be close to having something which I've wished for for a long time... but other things are slipping from my grasp.
That's life, I suppose.
:11:31 PM: :sugah~plum
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